Accept No Substitutes
by Hikari Kaitou
Summary: Kurogane and Fai have landed teaching jobs in this new world as they search for the feather. They find out the hard way that teaching is tougher than they thought. But how can the students be expected to behave when the teachers are just as bad? KxF
1. Love Potion Number Nine

**A/N:** Ah ha ha...hey everybody! Honto ni hisashiburi da ne? I know it was really uncool of me to just sort of drop out of existence for two whole months like that but I really didn't have a choice. I was just so horrendously busy that I didn't have time for anything but work and school. But now that I've quit my job (which I hated anyway) and started a new semester at school, I ought to have a little more time to write (hopefully). Anyway, I started this fic back in October and then got bored with it and kinda forgot it for a while. Then I picked it up again this week and decided to finish it. It's not terribly original but I figure we need a little break from this heavy dose of angst Tsubasa has been giving us for so long. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter 1: Love Potion Number Nine**

The only thing audible across the eerily quiet grounds was the crunching of their footsteps as they made their way through the snow towards the main building. Fai shot a sidelong glance at his silently fuming companion, who was now also his co-worker, and grinned.

"Hmmm? Are you still mad, Kurowanko sensei?" he asked teasingly, latching on to Kurogane's arm.

"OF COURSE I AM, YOU BASTARD!!" he snapped, his angry words echoing across the empty yard and startling a flock of birds out of their tree. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT AND SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS GODDAMN JOB WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!!"

"Language, Kurochii sensei; we wouldn't want the children to hear, now would we?" Fai smirked.

"THE GODDAMN CHILDREN CAN GO TO HELL, FOR ALL I CARE!!" Kurogane retaliated, stomping his foot.

"But you're their teacher, Kurotan! You have to set a good example! These are impressionable young minds we're dealing with here, and we must be careful how we mold them."

Kurogane snorted. "It's _you_ that they ought to be worried about. If I had a kid, I sure as hell wouldn't want some suspicious bastard like you putting weird ass ideas in his head."

"Now, now, Daddy," Fai laughed. "What makes you think I would ever do something like that?"

"I can't imagine," the ninja muttered sarcastically. "And what the hell were you thinking, signing me up to teach _history_? I don't even know how things work in this goddamn country today, let alone a hundred years ago!"

Fai stopped suddenly. "…You want to know why?" he asked quietly, his copious bangs obscuring his eyes from view.

Kurogane also stopped and turned around to face him. "Huh?"

"…You want to know why…I signed you up to teach history?" Fai repeated.

"There's an actual reason?" Kurogane asked, raising an eyebrow. "I figured it was just you being a bastard, as usual."

"Come closer, and I'll tell you," Fai murmured, continuing to hide behind his blond locks.

Kurogane stepped forward curiously and leaned in so that the wizard could whisper the answer in his ear. Fai was silent for a moment.

"Because I though Kuropun would be an adorable history teacher!" he trilled, tweaking the swordsman's nose flirtatiously.

"YOU UTTER BASTARD!!" Kurogane roared, chasing the giggling science teacher with fury blazing in his eyes. "WHEN I CATCH YOU, YOU'RE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!!"

Fai ran towards the building, giggling madly, Kurogane close on his heels, oblivious to what awaited them beyond its doors.

* * *

Kurogane threw his bag down on the desk and dropped into his chair. So, this was the deepest circle of hell, er…his classroom. He looked around disinterestedly. There were clumsily-made art projects hanging by strings from the ceiling, a chalkboard, a world map, a few rows of desks and some posters on the walls which bore messages that were almost painfully retarded. He shook his head in disgust and decided he would just have to do his best not to look at them, lest they ate a hole in his brain. 

How he had managed to get stuck in a teaching job, Kurogane would never know. For one thing, the people who had hired him didn't even bother to give him an interview and obviously hadn't done any sort of background check since he didn't even have a background in this world. For another thing, he had killed more people than he could count. Somehow, he just couldn't manage to fit that fact into the description of a good teacher. Obviously, someone who had killed more people than they could count was either numerically challenged or some kind psychopath with an insatiable bloodlust. Not that Kurogane was either of these, of course.

He then picked up one of his class lists and looked it over carelessly. "Motosuwa, Hideki" was the first name on the paper. _Motosuwa… I'll bet _that_ kid has a brain the size of a pea_, Kurogane thought. "Ogata, Masaharu"; that name just screamed incompetence. _He probably can't even pick his nose the right way_. "Kobayashi, Kotarou"; …_Sounds like a goddamn pansy._ "Seto, Ringo" _She's probably an airheaded bimbo. _"Kazahaya, Kudou"; _I'll bet that kid's really snotty. Just looking at his name makes me want to kick his ass._ "Doumeki, Shizuka"; _Shizuka? What kind of a retarded name is that? But if her name is anything to go by, then she probably won't be giving me much trouble._ "Hibiya, Chii"; _Chii? What the hell? Isn't that a dog's name? I didn't know they allowed pets into this school… _"Rikuo, Himura"; _Great. Just what I need: a goddamn monk. I swear, if that kid gives me any crap about repenting or divine justice, I'll kick his ass out the window._ "Suzuhara, Misaki" _She probably has the mental capacity of a piece of gravel. _"Watanuki, Kimihiro"; _Are you kidding me? Someone actually named their kid that? …I think I'm gonna be sick. _"Shinbo, Hiromu"; _Damn. That's almost as bad as the last kid. I mean, seriously, were these parents on crack when they named their kids? _

Kurogane was feeling quite a bit better now that he had gone through the list and insulted every one of his students. Not that he'd been feeling nervous about this whole situation, because that wasn't it at all. He was just dreading the six tons of wank that came with prolonged exposure to children. Kurogane massaged his temples, trying to ward off a killer migraine that was lurking in the recesses of his brain and threatening to overtake him. Obviously, it was too late to get himself out of the job immediately, but once classes were over for the day, Kurogane was gonna haul serious ass down to the office and quit this sick excuse for a job.

* * *

Kurogane had known when Fai had first told him he'd be teaching history in this foreign world that he was screwed, but it wasn't until his students were looking expectantly up at him that he realized his actual "fucked factor". He was at about a six (in case anyone is wondering, the scale began at one, which was a "oh, crap" with a five in the middle range, a "Mr. Shit, meet Mr. Fan", and tops off at a ten, which was "well, at least I'm not dying a virgin"). 

Don't get the wrong idea, though. Kurogane was NOT nervous. Not even a little. Those butterflies in his stomach were from hunger. Yeah, because all he'd had for breakfast was a buttered bagel and a little square of pancake that Fai had force-fed him. Kurogane didn't get nervous.

The ninja thought fleetingly about trying to BS his way through a lesson. But then, he didn't have very much experience with BSing. Honesty was always the best policy in his opinion, and when someone didn't like the truth, he usually let them take it up with his sword. His next fleeting thought was to attack the root of the problem and just kill the snot-nosed little brats. No, that wouldn't work either; there were few ways that a warrior could sink lower than by killing unarmed innocents, especially children (actually, Kurogane doubted very much that any of them were innocent. They all looked like shifty little bastards to him). He decided grudgingly that he should just tell them the truth.

"Yeah, so… I know I supposed to be teaching you history and all that stuff, but umm… I don't know jack shit about history, so…"

Kurogane stopped talking when he noticed that most of his students were either giggling or staring at him with wide eyes. "What?"

There was a nervous silence before one of the kids worked up the courage to whisper "You said the 'S' word!"

Kurogane blinked. "…Are you freakin' serious?" he snorted. "Tch… jeez…"

He shook his head disbelievingly and paused briefly before continuing.

"Anyway, I guess you guys can just screw around and do whatever… as long as you're quiet."

The kids just continued to stare. Kurogane stared back, becoming increasingly irritated with their unresponsiveness. Finally, he slammed his notebook down on his desk and snapped "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL STARING AT, HUH? I TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO, SO JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!"

The students quickly busied themselves, most of them looking frightened or scandalized. Kurogane shook his head again in exasperation as he took a seat behind his desk. Well, he might not have taught them history, but he had given them another valuable lesson instead: "if your history teacher is a ninja, just do what he tells you to, without question, and he probably won't kill you."

* * *

Fai's class was going considerably smoother. 

"Hello, everyone!" he chirped, waving at his students enthusiastically. "My name is Fai Sensei and I'm gonna be your new science teacher, ok? It's my first day here so I don't really know any of you yet, but I'm sure we'll get along just fabulously!" He clapped his hands together, flashing them a blinding grin. "So… if nobody has any questions…"

"Are you gay?" someone blurted out.

"We'll get started!" Fai continued, pretending he hadn't heard. "Let's see now… What should my first lesson be…" He thought for a moment, and then clapped his hands again, his eyes sparkling with well-disguised mischievousness. "I know! Why don't I teach you all how to make a love potion, hmm?"

His students all stared at him in silence as though a minivan had just immerged from his left nostril. Seemingly oblivious to their puzzlement, Fai began to speak again.

"Have any of you ever made a love potion before?"

The students all continued to stare blankly.

"No one? Well, that's alright! That means you can all learn something new today!" he trilled. "Now, before we start making a love potion, why don't we talk about their properties?"

He turned to his white board and scrawled the word "Properties" across the top, then underlined it. It didn't even occur to him that he had just written in his native language and that none of his students would be able to read it.

"Who can tell me one property of a love potion?" Fai asked cheerfully, beaming at his class. The room was so quiet you could have heard a grain of sand drop. But if the mage was at all perturbed by the lack of answers, he didn't show it.

"What does a love potion do?" he prompted.

There was another blank pause before one brave boy in the front row ventured a guess.

"They… make people…fall in love with…you…?"

"Exactly!" Fai said, adding this to the top of his "properties" list. "Very good. What else?"

When none of the other kids showed any signs of having any inkling of a clue as to what Fai was talking about, he added a second one to the list for them.

"Love potions are less dense than water. So what does that mean, exactly?"

This time, a girl took a stab at the question.

"It would float on top like oil, right?"

"Correct!" Fai sang. "This is a sharp class! Now, the more you skimp on the ingredients, the less dense it will be, meaning that it will be less potent. However, if you add too much of the ingredients it can get too strong and cause the person you're giving it to to experience a migraine so you have to be careful. Can anyone tell me how to nullify the effects of a love potion?"

Blank stares.

"All you have to do is splash cold water on the person and they will be released from the potion's spell," he answered for them. "Ok, that does it for all the important properties, I think. So, let's get started, shall we?"

* * *

Kurogane had to bite his tongue to keep himself from yelling "FINALLY!" when the lunch bell rang. This had to be one of the biggest wastes of time he'd ever been forced into. He waded through the sea of waist-high students, only making a halfhearted effort not to squash any underfoot, as he made his way to the teacher's lounge. The ninja pushed open the door, saw who was already there waiting for him, and let out a rather loud noise of disgust. Fai looked up from his lunch and smiled cheerfully. 

"Hi Kuwopii!" he called across the otherwise empty teacher's lounge through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly.

"Tch…don't talk with your mouth full, idiot," Kurogane growled.

Fai swallowed and grinned apologetically. "Sorry, Daddy."

The swordsman growled at the nickname as he began digging change out of his pockets for the vending machine.

"You didn't bring a lunch, Kurotan?" Fai asked, tilting his head to one side.

Kurogane gave a derisive snort, looking disinterestedly over the vending machine's selection. "Yeah, right, dumb ass. Like I have time for girly shit like that. Anyway, I can just get something here, so it's no big deal."

He grabbed the package from the slot and sat a few seats down from Fai where he proceeded to rip open the wrapper. Fai vanished under the table for a moment and then resurfaced in Kurogane's lap.

"Why didn't you tell me, Kurochuu?" the magician purred, looping his arms around Kurogane's shoulders. "I would've made you something."

"I don't want you to make me anything," he replied flatly. "Ever."

Just as Fai was opening his mouth to reply, the door to the teachers lounge swung open, and a man that Kurogane recognized as the language teacher from the room across from his walked in. When the language teacher saw his two colleagues seated at the table, one in the others' lap with his arms around his shoulders, his face flushed brightly.

"Oh! I-I'm sorry…!" he stammered. "I didn't realize you two were…!"

Kurogane started blushing then, too. "We're _not_!" he snarled, putting his hand on top of Fai's head and trying to force him back under the table from whence he had come.

"I-I'm, uh… sorry for disturbing you!" He quickly turned around and left, carefully not looking at either of them.

"Why didn't you say anything, dumb ass!" Kurogane snapped at Fai.

The wizard merely shrugged. "I didn't have anything to say."

"That's never been a problem for you before! You want people to think we're…"

Fai grinned and began to play with the ninja's hair affectionately. "'You want people to think we're' _what_, Kuronro?"

Kurogane's blush deepened. "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU BASTARD!"

"I assure you, Kuropippi, I haven't the slightest idea," he said. He glanced up at the clock then. "Oops, almost time for class to start. I'll see you later, Kurotan."

Fai gave Kurogane a kiss on the cheek and slid back under the table, popping out again on the other side. He waved cheerfully to the stunned swordsman before pushing through the door and joining the current of students that was rushing by. Feeling slightly dazed, Kurogane touched the place where Fai had kissed him, his cheeks still glowing brightly. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice what time it was until the bell rang, causing him to jump in surprise.

Kurogane blinked as he looked at the clock, his mind momentarily blank. The he jumped again, his brain firing up suddenly: you (in here) + bell equals you're late, dumbass! Kurogane hurriedly shoved his remaining food into his mouth and switched on his "super-stealthy-ninja speed" as he tore off down the hall.

* * *

Even though he had used his super-stealthy-ninja speed, slow-moving students kept him from getting to class on time. When he finally made it to his room, all the kids were already seated. They all stared at him as he stormed up to his desk to make his beginning-of-class announcement that he didn't know anything about history and that they could do what they wanted. Just like all the classes before them, this group of students stared blankly back at him in reply. A vein throbbed angrily on Kurogane's forehead. 

"What the hell?" he growled, irritated. "Are all kids this stupid and I've just forgotten, or is it just the ones in this country? You heard what I said! Quit staring at me like a bunch of mindless idiots!"

A tall, pale, lanky kid with smooth black hair and a bored expression stood suddenly, swept all his books into his bag, and started for the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Kurogane snarled, moving into the kid's path to block his way and fixing the boy with his signature glare-o'-death. The boy, however, returned his gaze calmly and answered "I'm leaving."

"I don't think so, brat. Get back to your seat."

"Why should I? You're not gonna teach us anything anyway." The name on the boy's school uniform pocket said Doumeki. Kurogane was surprised, though he concealed it well. Shizuka was generally a girl's name and seeing as how it meant "quiet", he hadn't been expecting to get any wank from a kid with that name.

"You'll go back to your seat because I'm telling you to," Kurogane replied acidly. He refused to lose at anything to anyone, least of all this snot-nosed little brat with a girl's name in a battle of wills. Doumeki was going to sit back down, even if Kurogane had to amputate both the kid's legs in order to keep him from going anywhere

"Hmph, a teacher who expects to be respected by his students but can't even make it to class on time himself?" Doumeki smirked. "I'm surprised they didn't fire you a long time ago."

Kurogane was outraged. "LISTEN HERE, YOU SMUG LITTLE BASTARD--!!"

Doumeki put his fingers in his ears. "Jeez, you're so loud. You tell us to keep quiet and then you go around shouting like this. You're nothing but a loud-mouthed hypocrite who can't control himself. Why don't you go back to teaching school and come back when you've learned how to be a real teacher? Or maybe you could take a lesson or two from Fai Sensei; you two seem to be pretty chummy."

While the ninja was still seething, Doumeki pushed past him and left the room. The rest of the students sat in stunned silence, watching to see what Kurogane's reaction would be. If spontaneous human combustion were possible, Kurogane's head would have burst into flames. After a moment of indignant sputtering, he tore off down the hallway to catch Doumeki and hall his ass to the principal's office.

Fai had just finished answering a question from one of his students about her group's love potion when he heard the unmistakable sound of Kurogane's rage right outside his classroom. With a sly smile, he set down the potion and skipped over to the door.

"Could you keep it down out there please, Kuropun Sensei?" he sang. "We're trying to have a chemistry lesson in here."

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, DAMN MAGICIAN!!" Kurogane roared, shaking his fist at Fai.

"Oh my, Kurowan Sensei… what are you doing to that student?" Fai gasped. The warrior had Doumeki cornered and was advancing upon him menacingly, sword in hand. Doumeki didn't look overly concerned about his situation but Fai came to his rescue anyway, plucking Kurogane's sword out of his hand and holding it out of his reach.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! GIVE ME BACK MY GODDAMN SWORD!!"

"Aww, poor Kurochii Sensei's had a hard, stressful day," Fai cooed sympathetically, patting Kurogane on the head. "Why don't you go lay down in my office? I'll take care of…" he glanced at the name stitched on Doumeki's uniform, "Doumeki kun and the rest of your class, ok?"

"LIKE HELL I WILL, YOU BASTARD!!" Kurogane snarled. "NOW MOVE SO I CAN TEAR THAT GODDAMN KID APART!!"

"Calm down, Kurochuu Sensei," the wizard said soothingly. "I said that I'd take care of your class for you so you don't have to worry anymore, right?"

He took Kurogane's hand, gave the sword to Doumeki ("Could you hold this for a moment, please?") and led the enraged history teacher to his office. Once they were inside, he pushed Kurogane down on the couch, then quickly dashed back out the door and locked it from the outside. Kurogane jumped up and tried to force the door open but it was no good; the office was locked tight. He sighed and returned to the couch to flop down on it. Not that he would ever admit it to Fai, but the wizard had been right; he had had a stressful day and he actually was quite thankful that Fai had stepped in and agreed to take care of his last class of the day for him. Just thinking about how close he had come to killing Doumeki and losing some of his precious strength made him shudder.

Although the door was closed, he heard a brief increase in the noise level as his class joined Fai's. Kurogane breathed a sigh of relief; the blond had kept his word about taking care of his class. Now that he didn't have that to worry about, Kurogane closed his eyes. That last outburst at Doumeki had given him a killer headache, though it began to recede slightly when his eyelids blocked out the light. With the muted chatter of students outside the door and his responsibilities in Fai's capable hands, the ninja began to succumb to his fatigue. Once the class was safely immersed in their work once more, Fai peeked in through the narrow window of his office door to see what Kurogane was doing. The sight of the raven-haired teacher asleep on his couch brought a small, soft smile to Fai's lips.

"Sweet dreams, Kurochan," he whispered.

* * *

When Kurogane finally opened his eyes, the office was silent and the classroom beyond it dark. He sat up and noticed Fai sitting at his desk with four little vials in front of him, his back to the ninja. But the couch springs creaked as he moved, causing Fai to look over his shoulder. 

"Ah, are you awake now, Kuromyuu Sensei?" he asked pleasantly. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Hmmm…" Kurogane grunted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing up at the clock. It was nine thirty meaning that he had slept for about seven hours. Holy crap; he must have been even more tired than he had thought. "What's in the bottles?"

"Oh, these?" Fai smiled, indicating the vials. "My students made them in class today. I was just getting ready to test them and see how they did…"

Kurogane glared. "You're not planning to drink them, are you? I wouldn't put it past one of the little brats to have screwed up so that it ends up poisoning you."

Fai stared for a moment then laughed. "Aww, Kuropin Sensei is worried about me! How sweet!" A mischievous look came over his face. "Don't worry, Kurorun Sensei; _I'm_ not going to drink them."

Kurogane returned his gaze suspiciously, until Fai's usual cheerful smile returned to his face. "But speaking of drinks…"

He pushed his wheelie chair back from the desk so that he could reach a miniature refrigerator that sat in the corner of his office. With a small pop, he opened the door and took out two cans of fruit juice. "You want one?"

"…Fine," Kurogane replied hesitantly.

Fai opened it for him with a small amount of difficulty and passed it over.

"So… with the exception of Doumeki kun, did your other classes go well today?" he asked as Kurogane took a drink.

"Hmph. I guess they went ok in comparison to your fight against that oni guy back in Outo country," the warrior snorted.

"That good, eh?" Fai grinned, taking a sip of his own juice. He watched Kurogane closely from underneath his heavy-lidded eyes, amusement dancing in the deep sapphire pools.

The ninja shuddered a bit after his second swallow and made a face. "What kind of juice is this? It tastes…weird." His tongue was tingling as though he had just touched it to the end of a battery, though he wasn't familiar with that particular sensation as his homeworld was a bit lacking in the battery department. Fai shrugged casually, though he continued to watch Kurogane closely.

"I can't read this country's language, but I think it's mango," he replied. "You don't like it?"

"Well, I'll drink it but… I dunno. It's kinda making my mouth go numb."

The blond frowned slightly. "Really? Your mouth is going numb? That's not supposed to happen…"

Kurogane's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Did you put something in my drink when I wasn't paying attention?"

Fai's eyes widened slightly in feigned surprise. "Now why would I do something like that, Kuronpu?"

"You did, didn't you, you bastard!" Kurogane shouted, pointing an accusing finger at his colleague. Fai had just opened his mouth to respond when a large pink bubble blossomed out of the end of the swordsman's finger. The two of them stared at it in silence as it drifted slowly to the floor and popped with a merry little jingling sound. Kurogane and Fai looked at each other, stunned.

"This is your fault, damn magician," Kurogane hissed dangerously. "You'd better fix it right now before I find something sharp and pointy and run you through with it."

Fai burst into laughter. "Why? Don't you think it's a cool trick, Daddy?"

"No, I don't! A ninja should not have stupid pink bubbles coming out of his finger, dammit!"

"Aw, come on, Kurowanko! I think it's cute!"

"Where the hell is that manjuu? I need my sword so I can amputate my finger."

Fai waved away the suggestion. "Now, now, there's no need for that. Just take another sip of your juice and it ought to go away."

Kurogane looked at him uncertainly. "You're lying."

"Well, if you'd rather amputate your finger, I guess that's your choice," Fai sighed. "But of the two of us, I'm the only one who's studied magic so I ought to know a thing or two about this sort of thing, don't you think?"

The ninja hesitated before picking up his can of juice and gingerly taking another sip. He shuddered again at the taste. "It tastes different now… you'd better not have put something else in there, you stupid bastard."

"But you've been watching me the whole time," Fai pointed out. "You would have noticed if I tried something like that, wouldn't you Kurochin?"

"I guess so--," Kurogane began, but stopped abruptly in horror when bright, rainbow-colored light spilled from his mouth as his lips moved.

Fai giggled and clapped. "Hyuu! That was an amazing trick, Kurowanwan! Do it again!"

"Like hell I'm gonna—" he clamped his mouth shut again, grinding his teeth in frustration when the light was produced again.

"It should go away if you give the juice another try," the mage advised, grinning widely, clearly enjoying the ninja's troubles.

"WHAT THE HELL?! YOU THINK I'M STUPID OR SOMETHING?!" Kurogane snapped.

Fai began laughing again as the brilliant light issued from his mouth. "I'm sorry, Kurotan. It's just so hard to take you seriously when there are pretty rainbows coming from your mouth."

A vein throbbing angrily on his forehead, Kurogane took another drink of juice then waited resignedly for something to happen. For a moment, all was still and quiet. A small popping noise made them both jump and Fai watched in delight as a bright purple flower sprouted right between Kurogane's scarlet eyes and burst into bloom.

"A flower for me?" the blond giggled, blushing slightly. "Why, Kurochan, you shouldn't have!"

Kurogane was too enraged and disgusted to say anything as Fai reached out and grabbed hold of his flower and attempted to pluck it.

"Ow! Ow!" Kurogane gasped, clapping a hand to his forehead. "Let go! That hurts, dammit!"

"It's so pretty on you, Kuropun! That purple really goes nicely with your eyes."

"Quit saying stupid crap like that. You're making me want to puke."

Reluctantly, he took another gulp of his juice, finishing off the can. Fai watched closely for something to happen. There was nothing.

"How do you feel now, Kuromin? Did anything happen?"

"I don't…" he broke off, blushing suddenly and averted his gaze to the floor. "N-nothing's wrong. It's no big deal. Just forget about it."

Fai's heart rose hopefully. Could one of the groups from his class possibly have gotten the potion right?

"Well, if you say so, Kuropun," Fai said slyly, standing up, noticing the way Kurogane was now watching him closely out of the corner of his eye, and smirking to himself. "Why don't we go back to our apartments now? We should probably go to bed since we have to get here early to work tomorrow morning."

"Right," Kurogane agreed stiffly, getting to his feet. He still refused to meet the wizard's eyes.

Fai led the way out of the room, deliberately leaving his coat behind. As soon as they stepped outside into the cold, winter night air, and the door had locked behind them, he gave a fake shiver.

"Oh, looks like I forgot my coat in my office," he noted, glancing over at Kurogane. "Ah, but the door's already locked and we don't have a key… I guess I'll just have to get it tomorrow morning, hmm?"

Kurogane said nothing, but removed his own coat and draped it over Fai's slender shoulders. Fai looked up at him, pretending to be surprised. "Kuromyuu?"

"I don't need it," he muttered, carefully not looking at the blond. "Anyway, it'd be a pain in the ass if you got sick and I had to take care of you."

Kurogane quickened his pace suddenly, forcing Fai to have to jog in order to keep up.

"Would you be terribly annoyed with me if I said my fingers were cold and asked you to hold my hand?" Fai grinned.

Kurogane's blush deepened. "…Guess not…"

Heart fluttering happily, Fai slipped his small, pale hand into Kurogane's larger tan one. Just as he had expected, the warrior's grip was pleasantly warm which only added to how much he enjoyed the contact. The two of them boarded the train that would take them back to their apartment complex in silence. Although Kurogane still wouldn't look at the mage, he did allow him to hug his arm and rest his cheek against his shoulder, something that Fai was only too glad to take advantage of.

As much as he was enjoying the experience of getting to express his affection openly to Kurogane without the ninja's protesting, he just couldn't ignore that ache in his heart; that nagging little thought trying to push its way to the front of his mind. Kurogane wasn't letting him do these things because he was in love with him; Kurogane was letting him do these things because he was experiencing the effects of the love potion. The pain in his heart increased at the acknowledgement of this fact. Here he was, being selfish again, and taking advantage of the one he loved most for his own benefit. Fai's hunger for love was actually causing him to manipulate Kurogane. Even though Fai had never been part of a mutual romance, he knew that this was not the way it was meant to be.

"…Hey," Kurogane muttered, snapping Fai out of his guilty daze, "you still awake over there?"

Fai took a deep breath to compose himself before looking up at his companion with a smile. "Yes, Kurosama… I was just…thinking about something…"

Kurogane studied the magician's smile carefully. "Something painful?" he asked quietly.

Fai forced his smile to widen. "Of course not, Kuronpyu! What makes you think that?"

Kurogane watched him for a moment longer, before giving a doubtful grunt and averting his gaze once more. Despite his assurances that everything was fine, when the swordsman put his arm around Fai's shoulders, he saw the mage clutch instinctively at his breaking heart.

* * *

Fai and Kurogane's apartments were conveniently located right next door to each other while Syaoran and Sakura had taken Mokona and were living in the student dormitories across the street. Unfortunately, the wizard and ninja had been given positions as elementary school teachers and the two younger travelers attended high school, which was located in a separate wing of the building, so the four of them hadn't seen each other since they had parted ways that morning. 

Fai and Kurogane paused uncertainly outside their respective doors. Each one was waiting for the other to invite them inside but Fai was too ashamed of the way he was manipulating Kurogane to say anything and Kurogane was simply too shy. It was Fai who finally broke the silence.

"…Would…would you like to come inside and have some warm milk with me before you go to bed?"

"…Fine…"

Fai fished his key out of his pocket and unlocked the front door. Kurogane followed him inside, pausing at the door to remove his shoes before continuing on to the kitchen. The warrior got the milk from the refrigerator while the mage got mugs for them both and put a pan on the stove but neither one of them spoke or made eye contact. The stifling silence between them continued until they had finished heating the milk and Fai poured it into their mugs. The blond began to pull out a chair from the table so that he could sit down but Kurogane placed his hand on top of his, stopping him.

"We should sit on the couch," he suggested.

Fai hesitated for a second and then followed the swordsman to the couch. Pain flashed through Fai's heart again as Kurogane sat down right next to him and slid an arm around his slender waist. Still, he allowed himself to lean against him slightly, resting his head on the ninja's sturdy chest. Fai lifted his mug to his lips, pretending to drink, but didn't. Kurogane took a sip, then flinched in pain as it burned his tongue.

Fai forced another smile. "Too hot, Kurorun? Just a minute, I'll go get you a glass of cold water to help cool your mouth off."

Before Kurogane could do anything to stop him, the wizard jumped to his feet and went to fetch the water. Kurogane sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch cushions. Fai returned a second later, a glass of water in hand. He was just extending the glass to offer to his companion when he accidentally stumbled. Fai managed not to fall, but Kurogane got a face-full of cold water. The blond hid his blue eyes behind his copious bangs, once again not meeting the swordsman's eyes. Kurogane, momentarily stunned, blinked water out of his eyes and a fog suddenly lifted from his mind. What the hell was he doing in Fai's apartment, drinking warm milk and cuddling on the couch with him?! It wasn't as though he didn't remember how he got here; he just couldn't fathom what had been going through his head when he had agreed to do this.

Blushing, Kurogane got hurriedly to his feet and set his mug on the coffee table. "…I just remembered… got some papers to correct… really should get going on them or I'll never finish by tomorrow…"

Without another word, he left the apartment, closing the door with a snap. Fai waited until he heard the ninja close the door to his own apartment before moving to pick up Kurogane's abandoned mug. In reality, he had splashed that water on him on purpose. Although it hurt to have to bring their time together to such an abrupt end, he simply couldn't stand the selfishness of his own actions any longer. What was the point of having someone show affection towards you if they weren't doing it out of their own free will? There was no point; it was just cruel and dishonest to both people.

Fai absentmindedly dumped out the milk and put the mugs in the dishwasher. Even though he had done the right thing by putting this forced love to an end, he didn't feel any better for it. In fact, he felt almost exactly the same. He had just wanted so badly for someone to hold him close and whisper sweet words in his ear. Heart still aching relentlessly, Fai dragged himself off to bed.

* * *

Kurogane lie on his bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. He was beginning to regret leaving Fai in such a hurry. After all, he knew how fragile the magician was already. He might have just hurt him even more with his thoughtlessness. Kurogane seriously considered going back over there to apologize, but his pride simply refused to allow it. Trying to push the matter from his thoughts, he closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep even though he wasn't at all tired. 

If he listened very closely, he thought he could just make out the sound of quiet sobs drifting through the paper-thin walls that separated him from Fai.

* * *

**A/N: **And that's it for the first chapter! Like I said: not terribly original, but I do have some fun ideas. I'm thinking there will be a school dance which the two of them will have to chaperone and I might even have them teach a sex ed. class together... hee hee! So yeah, I'm thinking there'll be like three or four more chapters in this fic before I wrap it up. In the meantime, I'd really appreciate your reviews! 


	2. Little Trolls and Sushi Rolls

**A/N: **This chapter didn't turn out how I wanted... I dunno how to fix it though. I read it over about six times and I'm still not sure what to do about it. Anyway, I kinda just wanted to get this chapter out of the way so that I could get to ch. 3. I think that one will be great fun XD

* * *

**Chapter 2: Little Trolls and Sushi Rolls**

Fai accepted early on in the night that he wouldn't be getting much sleep. Instead of lying in bed and wallowing in his grief, he decided to make himself useful by getting ahead on some work. He hauled his trembling frame out of bed, wiped the last vestiges of tears from his eyes and dragged himself to the kitchen where he began to boil some rice.

* * *

Kurogane accepted early on in the night that he wouldn't be getting much sleep. He was out cold half an hour later.

* * *

When the two of them met up the next morning to go to school together, Fai was unusually quiet which caused Kurogane's guilt to return with such force that he was nearly hurled face-down at the cement upon which he was currently walking. As he and the blond rode the train in silence, his mind was churning desperately as it tried to formulate some plan of redemption so that he wouldn't have to deal with guilt gnawing ferociously at his insides all day long. It had to be subtle enough so that Fai wouldn't mock him for it but obvious enough so that it wouldn't be missed. Kurogane just barely suppressed the urge to snort and roll his eyes as this thought drifted across his consciousness; subtle yet obvious…well, that ought to be simple enough.

As he brainstormed, Kurogane watched the magician secretly. Fai kept yawning and rubbing his eyes, which Kurogane thought looked a little bit red though he wasn't sure if it was because Fai had been up crying all night or simply because he kept rubbing them. When they finally reached their stop, Kurogane had to shake Fai gently awake as the wizard had fallen asleep, his cheek resting warmly against his companion's shoulder.

"You should have stayed home today if you were this tired, idiot," Kurogane scolded as they disembarked from the train.

"And miss my second day of work? Silly Kurochuu," Fai said sleepily, yawning again and then closing his eyes and resting his head on the ninja's shoulder once more. "Anyway, I wouldn't want Kuropiko sensei to get lonely at school without me."

Kurogane snorted and shook his head in disbelief but made no move to deter Fai from leaning on him. They had almost reached the front door of the school when Kurogane felt Fai's cold hands slip under his coat and shirt and grope around near his hips.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing?!" the swordsman demanded, jerking away from Fai, his cheeks suddenly brilliantly pink.

Fai smiled tiredly up at him. "I was checking to see if you'd actually forgotten to bring your schoolbag or if it was just hiding somewhere."

If Kurogane had been the type, he would have allowed himself a derisive laugh there. Since he was clearly not the type however he just made an odd sound that was half disbelief and half scandalized. "Tch! You really think I would actually carry that freaking retarded man purse around?! And even if I was, what the hell would it be doing under my shirt?!"

Fai giggled and shrugged. "That's where I would hide if I were it."

Kurogane growled and shoved Fai into the wall as he let himself into the school building.

Fai pranced after him, to Kurogane's disgust, moving quickly so that he could catch up. Kurogane decided right then and there that if Fai ever did that stupid prancing thing again, he would stick a mushroom in his own eye.

"I brought mine," Fai pointed out happily, indicating the schoolbag that the school had issued both of them upon their hire which was balanced delicately on one slender hip.

"That just proves that you're a goddamn pansy!" Kurogane snapped. "If you wanna make a fool of yourself, that's your own damn business but don't try and drag me down with you!"

"But it would look so cute on you!" the wizard laughed, poking the ninja's cheek teasingly.

"Ninjas aren't supposed to be cute, dammit!!" he retaliated, stomping his foot.

"Well, as much as I'd like to spend more time telling Kuropon how cute he is, this is my classroom. I'll see you at lunchtime, ok, Kuromin?"

Fai waved goodbye to the history teacher over his shoulder and then pranced into his classroom. Kurogane began to look around for a mushroom.

* * *

Kurogane paused right outside his classroom, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. As a ninja, he was a master at detecting traps. The fact that these had been set by an amateur made them especially easy to find. It wasn't the traps themselves that bothered him, it was the fact that they were in his classroom. This smelled suspiciously like some sort of rebellion with a mild scent of animal crackers mixed in. Stupid children and their stupid animal crackers.

He sighed and ran a hand backwards through his hair before tossing his coat through the door. The second the coat entered the room, about a dozen children leapt out from their hiding places and tackled it, ropes in hand. Naturally, once they reached the coat, they began to suspect that they had been tricked. Their second indication was the sneering comment from the doorway.

"Tch. Goddamn rookies," Kurogane huffed, folding his arms and glaring at the children.

"Crap, he's got us!" the leader of the children shouted, leaping to his feet. "Retreat, troops!"

Panic-stricken, the kids screamed and fled through the back door which linked Kurogane's classroom to the one next door. The ninja shook his head in exasperation and entered the classroom. Then he paused again. Even though the children who had attacked his coat were gone, Kurogane could feel eyes on him still. He scanned the area carefully, trying to figure out where the rest of the little trolls could be hiding. His eyes fell on the coat closet. Wow, the coat closet. _That_ was original.

Silently, Kurogane tiptoed over to the coat closet, hesitating as he listened for any noise coming from inside. Sure enough, frantic whispers were being traded within the confines of the closet. The swordsman shook his head again; god, how he hated newbies. He threw open the closet doors and was immediately pelted with a vicious onslaught of spit wads. Snarling in disgust, he snapped the door shut again, frantically wiping his face on his sleeve. As it turned out, Kurogane had underestimated his students. While he was distracted by his repulsion towards the spit wads, waves of children poured in on him from every angle. His red eyes just had time to widen in astonishment before the students closed in on him and tackled him to the ground.

* * *

If someone had told him earlier this morning that by the time clock read eight, he find himself tied to a chair and being held hostage by forty or so angry children, Kurogane would have laughed at that person, kicked their ass and then laughed at them again. It was lucky then, perhaps, that no one had warned him about this because that would have damaged his already-wounded pride even further.

Kurogane had never been more humiliated in all his life (not even that time when he was twelve years old and Tomoyo hime had forced him to model that stupid pink dress she had made in front of the Amaterasu and Souma). He hated to lose at anything, but being beaten at his own game by a bunch of stupid kids had to be the lowest of low. If he ever got out of this situation, he was going to force himself to train harder than ever. At present, he was flanked by two fat kids with yardsticks who functioned as bodyguards. They were tapping him relentlessly on the head with their yardsticks. If he were capable of using his arms, Kurogane would have knocked their faces together. The leader of the whole rebellion stood before him, arms folded, a bored expression on his face: it was none other than Doumeki.

"You little bastard!" Kurogane hissed, struggling against the jump ropes that held him to the chair. "You better let me go right now or I'll—"

"Or you'll what, exactly?" Doumeki asked skeptically. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but you're really in no position to be making threats right now. If you want to get out of this, I suggest you listen to our demands."

"LIKE I'M GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO DEMANDS FROM SOME DUMB-ASS LITTLE KIDS!!" Kurogane roared.

Doumeki heaved a sigh and snapped his fingers. The two fat kids smacked Kurogane on the head with their yardsticks.

"THAT HURTS, DAMMIT!! ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKING YARDSTICKS!!"

"You'll listen to our demands, Kurogane sensei, if you ever hope to escape that chair. If that's not incentive enough, I suppose we could always drag Fai sensei into this though I really hate to do that."

Kurogane ground his teeth, his hands balling themselves into fists. "You little dipshits better leave that guy out of it! He's got no part in this!"

Doumeki continued to look disinterested. "Those are our terms. Take them or leave them. I'll give you some time to think it over. When you're ready to negotiate, send one of the guards to notify me."

With that, the boy turned on his heel and stalked away. Kurogane took a deep breath, trying to calm himself so that he could properly determine the best course of action. On one hand, he didn't want Fai to get dragged into this but on the other hand, he'd rather hand in his sword and begin a life of cross-dressing than negotiate with these little brats. As he saw it, only one option remained: escape. It would probably be difficult but he was pretty sure he could manage. But first he had to get out of these stupid ropes.

* * *

Fai was having a very hard time conducting class; his mind kept drifting as he was trying to teach, causing him to say odd things out of the blue. So far, he had uttered several sentences about flying calculators, admitted to having a secret love of spam sandwiches and even took a class poll to see how many of the students had ever been abducted by aliens (he got a surprisingly low response to this question).

"Are you ok, Fai sensei?" one girl asked after his lecture on quarks somehow evolved into a story about mutant cheese curds. "You seem really tired today."

"Oh no, don't worry about me," Fai replied with a fatigued smile as he waved aside her concerns. "I'm just fine…But you'll never guess what I saw at the grocery store a few days ago! A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle home pregnancy test! Do you guys have that show in this country? I saw it in one of the countries we visited before and got hooked…If you get Michaelangelo it means you're pregnant and if you get Donatello then you're still pregnant plus the baby has a fifty percent chance of having turtle powers. It was awesome…"

His class stared at him blankly. Fai sighed and put his face in his hands.

"I said something weird again, didn't I?" he muttered.

All the students nodded in unison. He gave a hollow laugh and glanced at the time, willing it to accelerate to three o'clock. As if in retaliation, the second hand stuck for a few ticks before beginning to move again. Fai gave another hollow laugh. God, did he ever need a nap.

* * *

Kurogane peeked around the corner before slipping into the next hallway. So far, all the corridors had been disconcertingly empty. Plus, getting away from the two guards had been far easier than he had imagined. Even the ninja had to admit that the simplicity needed to escape was somewhat unnerving. Could the children be deliberately luring him into a false sense of security? Did they even know what the word "deliberately" meant? Were those animal crackers he smelled again? _Oh, shit._

Kurogane broke into a run as he spotted two kids armed with straws, water bottles and a plentiful supply of paper look down his hallway. When they noticed him, they too broke into a run, following behind him as they loaded their weapons. Kurogane slipped into a room and hurriedly pulled the door shut behind him. He could hear spit wads hitting the other side of the door. The warrior sighed with relief; by some amazing stroke of luck, the room he had taken refuge in just happened to be the very one he had been looking for: the principal's secretary's office. Once he had caught his breath, Kurogane stomped past the stunned secretary and into the actual principal's office and slammed his hands onto the desk.

"Look here, you," he snarled. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with the goddamn kids in this stupid school but they're all insane! They're freaking out of control! I don't care what you do but you'd better—"

Kurogane froze mid-sentence as the principal, who had been sitting in a tall office chair with its back to him finally spun around to face him. Sitting in the chair was none other than the dimensional bitch herself. Kurogane stared at her, gaping stupidly as Yuuko smiled deviously at him.

"WH-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" he sputtered indignantly.

Yuuko laced her fingers and continued to smile. "I'm the principal, of course. Now, what were you saying about the children?"

"Yeah, I walked into my freaking classroom this morning and the little bastards ambushed me! Now they're running around the halls with spit wads! It's freaking anarchy out there!"

Yuuko listened to his complaints in silence, a thoughtful frown on her face.

"What subject do you teach?" she asked finally.

"History," Kurogane spat in a tone that suggested that he was talking about cat puke rather than a school subject. In Kurogane's mind, the two were about the same.

"Hmm… that won't do," Yuuko muttered, twirling a strand of her long dark hair around her finger. "Perhaps the problem is that you're teaching the wrong subject. I could move you to a different department… which class would you prefer to teach?"

Kurogane snorted. "Is there a silent kill class?"

Yuuko laughed. "I'm afraid not. I made an appeal to the school board to add one a while back but they didn't seem to like the idea very much. What about gym? That's basically the same thing…though it tends to be a bit louder."

"Mm," Kurogane replied, refusing to show any signs of appreciation.

"Good!" Yuuko said, clapping her hands and standing up. "Now that we have that all settled, why don't we go back to your classroom. I'll settle the kids down and then help you move to your new office, alright?"

* * *

When the bell rang for lunch, Fai breathed a sigh of relief. The day was half over. Soon he could go back to his apartment and go to bed. But for now, he had something else to look forward to. He went into his office where he had left his school bag, opened it and pulled out a lunch box. Fai held it delicately as though it might break if too much of his hand came into contact with it. It contained the fruits of last night's labors; this was what he had stayed up all night making. Now he and Kurogane could share it. With this thought in mind, the blond dragged his exhausted body towards the teachers' lounge.

* * *

"Kurotan!" Fai sang as he entered the teachers' lounge, trying to be his usual energetic self but fatigue caused him to walk unsteadily and have trouble focusing his eyes. "I have a surprise for you!"

Kurogane, who was seated with his back to Fai, ground his teeth as he took another drink of his juice and refused to look at the blond. He had just about had all he could take for today. Although his outlook had brightened considerably after Yuuko had made him a gym teacher, he still had to finish out the rest of the day in his old position. Needless to say, the students had given him a fair amount of shit as soon as their principal left. Although he was extremely tempted to send the stupid little twits down to her office, she had made a snide remark as she was leaving that she didn't think he had the ability to control the class. His manly pride had taken enough battering for one day so he decided to simply grin and bear it (though his grin ended up radiating a strong desire to slaughter every living creature in the room which sort of ruined the whole idea of the phrase "just grin and bear it"). If Fai knew what was good for him, he would shut his mouth and back away right now. As usual though, Fai completely ignored Kurogane's frustration and continued to approach. "Kuromyuu, look what I have!"

That did it; Kurogane snapped. "I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!" he roared, whipping around to face Fai at last. "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET AWAY FROM ME, DAMMIT!!"

As Kurogane spun around, he accidentally knocked the lunchbox that Fai was carrying out of his hands. The food that Fai had spent the entirety of the previous night so lovingly preparing spilled out on the ground with a resounding clatter. Stunned, the two of them stared numbly at each other.

"…I, uh…I mean, I'm… are…are you ok?" Kurogane stammered hesitantly, getting to his feet. Fai stared at him for a moment longer in shock before plastering a forced smile onto his face.

"Oh…d-don't worry about it, Kurosama… I…I'm…"

Just as the blond tried to choke out the word "fine", the last of his strength left him and he began to fall. Kurogane hurriedly caught the smaller teacher before he could hit the ground and scooped him into his arms. If he thought he had been feeling guilty before, it was nothing to how he felt now. Obviously, the reason Fai had been so tired all morning was because he had stayed up the whole night to make a special lunch for him and Kurogane to share and the ninja had completely ruined it. Filled with disgust in himself, Kurogane sighed and began to drag himself and Fai to the office. He was taking the mage home.

* * *

The warrior was glad that there was almost no one on the train when he got there. He was sure he would have gotten some weird questions if someone had seen him cradling a full-grown man's body in his arms as though he were a baby. Kurogane decided to hide him in his coat, just to be safe. As he zipped up his coat, he sternly reminded himself that he was not getting any enjoyment out of the fact that Fai's lips were brushing softly against his neck. Unfortunately, his self wasn't convinced. Not even for a second.

* * *

Fai's brow furrowed as he began to reluctantly regain consciousness. He had been having the most amazing dream that he was at his apartment in bed under a mountain of warm blankets, with a small fire crackling cheerfully in the hearth and Kurogane at his side gently holding and stroking his hand. _No! Come back, dream! Don't go!_ Fai begged silently. He wanted so badly to remain in that unbelievably sweet dream for just a little while longer.

Something warm and strong gave his hand a small affectionate squeeze, causing Fai's breath to catch in his throat hopefully. Could it be, perhaps, that by some fabulous stroke of luck that this was not a dream? Fai slowly opened his eyes and what he saw nearly made his heart stop beating.

"Kuro…chan?" he said uncertainly, hardly daring to believe his eyes.

Kurogane jumped guiltily at the sound of Fai's voice and instantly dropped the magician's hand. "'Bout time you woke up," he muttered, blushing. "Thought for a minute you wouldn't be coming back."

Fai wouldn't let the ninja distract him so easily; he took Kurogane's hand again and smiled up at him. "Were you holding my hand the whole time I was asleep, Kuropyon?"

Kurogane's blush deepened but he kept his mouth stubbornly closed.

"Wai! Look at Kurorin blushing!" Fai giggled, holding Kurogane's hand to his cheek. "How cute!"

"I hope you're happy, you bastard," Kurogane growled, changing the subject, his face still glowing scarlet. "You could have just stayed home today like you were supposed to and let me go to work but instead you had to come along and force me to carry you home when you collapse from exhaustion. How the hell could you be so damn stupid? You're an adult, goddammit! You should know how to take care of yourself without needing other people to step in and do it for you!"

Fai averted his eyes, staring guiltily at his comforter instead. Kurogane sighed and stood up. The blond made a small noise of disappointment, his blue eyes begging his companion not to leave.

"I'll be back," Kurogane assured him as he left the room.

"Oh, Kurowanwan! You made this just for me? How sweet! Thank you! I didn't know Kuropun could cook!" Fai sang, taking the bowl of chicken noodle soup that Kurogane was offering him.

"Alright, alright," Kurogane mumbled. "It's just soup… you don't have to make such a big deal over it…"

"Sorry Daddy," the blond grinned. "I forgot that you were Mr. Easily Embarrassed."

The ninja turned away, blushing as Fai took a bite of his soup.

"It tastes pretty good."

Fai ate his soup in silence, curiously watching Kurogane who was carefully avoiding his eyes, his face looking quite red.

"Look… about what happened at lunch today…I'm…I'm sorry," Kurogane muttered.

The magician looked up at him in surprise. He had never heard Kurogane apologize for anything before and now that the ninja was doing so to him, Fai could feel his heart melting. He knew that it was taking everything that Kurogane had and the fact that he was willing to do it at all meant that his words were heartfelt.

"It's ok, Kurochan," Fai said, taking the swordsman's hand again. "I forgive you."

Although Kurogane had his face turned away from him, Fai was almost certain that he saw the ninja smile. But only a little.

Fai yawned and Kurogane turned to look at him again, fixing a stern glare on his face.

"Go back to sleep now, you idiot," he ordered, pushing on the wizard's forehead to make him lie down. Fai grinned as he lay back on his pillows obediently.

"Alright Kuromyuu, but only if you stay here and hold my hand while I sleep."

"Tch. Greedy bastard," Kurogane growled.

Fai closed his eyes, continuing to smile as the warrior began to stroke the back of his hand absentmindedly. Yeah, life was good sometimes.

* * *

**A/N: **Barf!


	3. Hurray for HGAD Day!

**A/N: **Sorry that this one took a bit longer but I thought it had fabulous comedic potential and wanted to make sure to do it justice. I must hurry away now as I've been grounded from the computer and am using it illicitly, but I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Hurray for HGAD Day!**

When you've got a bad day ahead of you, there often tend to be warning signs which pop up very early on. For instance, you might awaken to find yourself in a dark cave full of sleeping cougars with absolutely no idea how you got there and absolutely no way to get out. Sometimes the signs are more subtle; you might go to take a shower only to find that some bitch used up all the hot water. Kurogane's was somewhere in between those two. He was jerked out of a very strange dream (which involved Chihuahuas and gas station coffee) by a loud squeal. His scarlet eyes snapped open instantly, blazing with death wishes for whatever moronic twit had dared to wake him up so rudely.

"Kurotan! Save me!"

Oh god. It was waaaaay too flipping early for that stupid wizard and his shit-for-brains antics.

"Shut the hell up," he moaned, covering his head with a pillow to block out the noise and sunlight.

"But Kurochuu! It's gonna get me! I need your help!" Fai wailed.

Grumbling under his breath, Kurogane sat up and squinted through the partially-lit room to see what the hell that damn guy's problem was. Fai was crouched on top of a chair, looking distressed, hugging his knees and nervously watching something that was moving along the floor. The ninja crawled across the bed and leaned forward for a closer look. It was a black spider about the size of a quarter and it had sinister-looking red markings on its back. Kurogane, who had stood up against demons, monsters, tornadoes and other large, unpleasant things without so much as flinching, snorted in exasperation. He grabbed a newspaper from the bedside table, rolled it up and brought it down upon the arachnid with a satisfying crunch.

"There," he grunted, burrowing back under the covers. "Piece of piss."

"That's an odd thing to say, Kuropun," Fai mused. "It doesn't even make sense."

There was a moment's silence before something large and heavy landed on Kurogane's bed. He snarled warningly but whatever had just landed on his bed seemed not to notice as it was now wrapping itself firmly around his body.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he snapped, trying to squirm out of the magician's grasp.

Fai pulled the covers away from Kurogane's face and began to treat him to a series of light little kisses all over his cheek. "Kuromyuu," he sang softly in between kisses, "time to get up. We have to go to work today, remember?"

"Screw work," Kurogane growled. "Damn kids can teach themselves."

"Aww, don't be like that, Daddy," Fai said teasingly. "I wanna tell my students how Kurokuro saved me from that big bad spider. That was very brave of you. Weren't you afraid?"

"Tch. Why should I be afraid of a little tiny bug?" the warrior scoffed.

"Because it had big, sharp fangs! Didn't you see them?"

"Big deal. I'm not afraid of a damn bug," Kurogane replied. "I'm not afraid of anything."

He sat up on the edge of the bed, a frown forming on his face as he scanned the room. Something wasn't right here…

"Wait a minute…" he said slowly. "What the hell am I doing here?! This isn't my apartment!"

"Hyuu! Kurowanwan is quick!" Fai whistled. "You're right: it's not your apartment. It's mine."

Kurogane blinked. "Wh-what?"

"Yesterday, when Kuromyuu was holding my hand, he fell asleep in the chair. I woke up in the middle of the night and Kurorun was shivering so I pulled him into bed with me so that we could snuggle!" Fai explained happily. The ninja stared at him in horror but Fai just laughed. "Kurosama looks so cute when he's sleeping. He holds me really close and cuddles with me, too. I wish you'd do that when you were awake, Kurorin!"

Kurogane shoved Fai off of him and quickly returned to his own apartment next door to get ready for work, his cheeks burning brightly.

* * *

"Hmm? So you're not a history teacher anymore, Kuropii?" Fai asked as the two of them made their way up to the school.

"Nah. Principal decided I'd be better off teaching gym," Kurogane replied shortly.

He had to admit that he like the idea of teaching gym way better than teaching history but he still wasn't happy with the idea of teaching in general. Stupid kids. He'd rather dropkick them. He amused himself for a moment with the idea of the air being thick with children as he stood in the background, laughing manically and shouting things like "You like that, you little bastards?!" or "That'll teach you to ambush me in my classroom!" as he punted their asses across the yard. Such was his amusement that he didn't even realize that they were already standing outside the school's front doors. Shaking his head to clear it of his idle fantasies, Kurogane reached out and pulled the door open. Fai skipped through ahead of him.

"How nice of Daddy to get the door for Mommy!" he chirped happily. "You're such a sweetie, Kuronro!"

"I didn't open the door for you, you dumb ass!" Kurogane snapped. "You just ran in ahead of me!"

"Aww, and he's all embarrassed about it now! That's what makes you so cute, Kuromuu!"

Kurogane huffed angrily and stomped through the door after Fai, following him into the main office.

"We should probably check our mailboxes, don't you think, Kuropiko?" Fai asked brightly. "There might be candy in there."

"Why the hell would there be candy in there?" Kurogane growled. There had better not be any candy in there or he was going to throw it at Fai's face. It would hurt, too. And the ninja would chuckle to himself as he did it.

Fai shrugged. "You never know." The blond vaulted the counter so that he could access his and Kurogane's mailboxes. "Hyuu! I got a note! Ah, you got one too, Kurowan!"

Fai grabbed both their letters, vaulted the counter again to get back to the warrior's side and handed over Kurogane's letter. Both of them ripped open the envelopes, took out their letters and stared blankly at the words on the page.

Kurogane glanced over at Fai. "Can you read this?"

"Nope! Can you?" Fai asked. Kurogane shook his head.

"Tch. Some help these stupid things are," he grumbled.

"Hmm…" Fai said, poising a slim finger delicately on his lip as he thought. Kurogane tried not to stare but it was just so damn cute. The wizard pounded his fist into his other hand as an idea came to him. That was pretty damn cute, too, Kurogane thought before he could stop himself. "I know! Why don't we ask Secretary-chan?"

Kurogane saw the young office secretary tense in her seat as the beautiful chemistry teacher mentioned her.

"Excuse me! Secretary-chan!" Fai called, waving at her. "Could you do us a little favor, please?"

The secretary blushed and jumped out of her chair immediately at the sound of Fai's summons, hurrying over to them as though she were being jerked along by a rope around her neck.

"Y-yes, Fai sensei?" she stammered nervously, coming just a little too close to the blond for Kurogane's liking.

The ninja folded his arms, squaring up his shoulders and giving her the meanest glare of warning that he could muster. Anyone with even half a brain in their head could interpret the message that Kurogane was conveying: _He's my bitch, bitch, so you'd better stay the hell away or I'll come after you with something sharp and pointy in the night. _The secretary, seeing this, just about pissed herself and quickly took as step backwards. Fai looked up at Kurogane who was still glowering and swatted playfully at his arm.

"Now, now, Kurowanko," Fai scolded lightly, "you're a good doggy to guard me so faithfully but don't be so mean to Secretary-chan. She's only trying to help."

"Tch," Kurogane said doubtfully, turning his head away. He continued to keep a watchful eye on both of them, however.

"Neither of us can read this country's language, Secretary-chan," the magician explained. "We were hoping maybe you might help us out."

"Oh! S-sure!" she squeaked timidly, casting a wary glance up at Kurogane before taking the letter that Fai was offering her. She cleared her throat and began to read.

"'Dear Staff, as many of you know, today is our Human Growth and Development Presentation day. Each teacher is asked to please make the presentation to their seventh hour class (the last class of the day). You will find the materials you need already in your office. Feel free to team up with another teacher if you like and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me. Good luck! Principal Yuuko'."

Both the gym teacher and the chemistry teacher were silent for a moment as they processed the information they had just received. Then Fai looked up at Kurogane again with a huge grin on his face.

"Are you ok, Kuronpyuu? You look a bit pale," Fai said, taking hold of his co-worker's arm comfortingly. "If I didn't know better, I'd even say you seem a little, oh what's the word I'm looking for…ah, _scared_."

"I-I'm not scared, you bastard!" Kurogane snapped, stomping his foot like a spoiled child. "Wh-why the hell would I be scared?!"

Fai just smirked knowingly at him. "You're right…why _would_ you be?"

Kurogane turned on his heel and stalked out of the office, hoping that neither of them had noticed him starting to blush.

* * *

Kurogane was so preoccupied with his horror at the prospect of having to teach a human growth and development class to a room full of elementary students that he didn't even have the presence of mind to appreciate how much better the gym was than his stupid old history classroom. He had never received "the talk" as a boy. After all, his father had been away most of the time defending the country from goblin uprisings and his mother had been in poor health for a majority of his childhood. They had had other things on their mind aside from giving their son "the talk". It didn't help that they had been killed when he was only thirteen.

Kurogane's face reddened as he considered his options: either he could try to figure out the material by looking over it between classes and at lunch (he almost hoped that there was a video or something so that he wouldn't have to guess everything from pictures) or he could swallow his pride and ask Fai if he would team up with him and pray that the mage knew what he was doing. Both options sounded painfully shitty. Kurogane went into his office and noticed a small cardboard box sitting on his desk. He knew instantly what it contained and just looking at it made him feel somewhat ill. With a resigned sigh, he dropped into his chair and began to gingerly pick through the box's contents.

* * *

Fai strode into his classroom with considerably less dread. True, he had never received "the talk" officially but he…er, knew his stuff, regardless. The idea of making the presentation didn't particularly irk him. In fact, the idea of making the presentation with Kurogane may have even delighted him. Maybe. Just a little.

Fai entered his office and saw a small cardboard box sitting on his desk. With a smirk he began to look through the box's contents. Each item he took out drew a giggle of malicious joy from him at the thought of Kurogane giving the presentation. He was pretty sure that the ninja wouldn't be overly eager to do this lesson and that he would want to team up with Fai to save himself the embarrassment. Fai decided he wasn't going to make it easy on Kurogane; he was going to make the swordsman come to him. He would make Kurogane come crawling to him on his hands and knees and beg him like a cute little Kuro-puppy. That would absolutely kill Kurogane, having to sink to that level. Fai allowed himself a brief squeal of delight. Oh, what a fabulous day this would be.

* * *

The way Kurogane saw it he had several options for how to deal with the matter of this troublesome presentation. One option would be to just grit his teeth and do it. He tried reading the little pamphlet that Yuuko had provided him with, hiding it behind his attendance folder so that none of his students would see him reading it as they ran laps around the gym. Even as the idea crossed his mind, he hated it. He couldn't even read the damned pamphlet, though judging by the pictures, he wasn't sure he wanted the ability. Just looking at those disgusting pictures made him want to gag. He didn't care what anyone else said, human growth and development education day was just some pervert's idea of a clever way to make little kids look at porn.

It was especially embarrassing when the office lady came to collect the attendance folder he was hiding the stupid thing behind. She looked at him very strangely as he attempted to slip the pamphlet into his sleeve without her seeing and thrust the folder at her, blushing furiously. The office lady had heard from some of the other staff members that the new gym teacher was a strange one. Now she saw what they meant.

Kurogane couldn't bring himself to even glance at the stupid pamphlet after that incident which ruled out his first option.

The second option was to say that he wasn't feeling well and just go home, leaving his class to be someone else's problem. Although it was certainly preferable to the first option, Kurogane found that he wasn't especially fond of this idea either. For one thing, sickness was weakness. Kurogane would rather dress in drag and do the hula than admit to having weakness. For another thing, Fai would see straight through that excuse and even if he allowed the ninja to get away with it, Kurogane would probably never live it down. So that pretty much ruled out the second option.

The third option was to swallow his pride, admit to the wizard that he really didn't know what he was doing and ask if he could team up with him. Again, there were several flaws with this plan as well. First of all, Kurogane absolutely hated it. Second of all, his pride was a rather large, hard object with many sharp, pointed things jutting out of it ergo it would be a very difficult and painful thing to swallow. Third of all, if he begged Fai for help, the blond would probably mock him for it for the rest of eternity.

Still, Kurogane ran through different ways he could propose an alliance to Fai, trying to find one that wasn't completely, flamingly retarded. _Hey, do you think I could team up with you for that presentation? I never got "the talk" when I was a kid so I don't really…_No, that was dumb. _Look, I really don't like talking about this kind of thing, so I was wondering if maybe we could…_Ugh. No. _Hey, you're a manwhore, right? You know all about this sort of thing, then. Maybe I should let you give the presentation since you have so much more experience…_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He sighed and put his face in his hands.

"Kurogane sensei!" a student gasped as he approached his teacher. "Are we…done running…yet?"

The unfortunate child had probably picked one of the worst times to ask that question as Kurogane was especially pissed off at the moment.

"No!" he snapped loudly. "You're running the whole damn hour! And you can run more laps after school if I hear you complaining about it again! That goes for all of you! I better not see you slowing down, either!"

There was a collective moan of misery from the class, which, luckily for them, Kurogane completely missed in his preoccupation. His angry stare nearly melted a hole in the floor as he tried to come up with an alternative solution to having to ask Fai for help. Despite his efforts, however, his mind just kept on drawing a blank. This, in Kurogane's opinion, gave him a "fucked factor" of ten. _Congratulations_, he thought to himself sardonically. _A new personal high score.

* * *

_

When the bell rang for lunch, Kurogane still had no answers to his rather pressing problem. If he was going to ask Fai to team up with him, it would have to be over their lunch break. But how could he say it so that he wouldn't have to compromise his dignity? He was getting so frustrated over this that he was just about to inject pond water under his own kneecaps. Kurogane pushed his way into the teacher's lounge and felt a surge of what could only be described as sheer panic rising in his stomach when he saw the devil himself already in there, innocently eating his lunch at the table. As usual, Kurogane's arrival in the teacher's lounge brought a smile to Fai's delicate features.

"Hello, Kuronro!" he called, waving in a very girlish manner, just as he always did. And boy, did Kurogane ever want to sock the cheerful bastard right in the nose. Still, as the swordsman knew he would soon have to put himself at Fai's mercy, he returned the greeting with a grunt of acknowledgment, something that he almost never did.

"You look a bit stressed, Kurochuu," Fai remarked with a grin. "Didn't your classes go well today?"

"They were fine," Kurogane replied shortly as he put his change into the vending machine. Fai got to his feet when Kurogane sat down and moved to stand behind him.

"Oh, you're so tense, Kuropyon," the blond cooed, beginning to massage his co-worker's broad shoulders.

Kurogane closed his eyes for a moment as Fai's talented, nimble hands rubbed his painfully tight muscles. This euphoria was brought sharply to an end when the door to the lounge swung open again and that language teacher that had been across the hall from Kurogane's old classroom entered. His eyes widened as they fell on Fai, who was massaging the other man, a seductive smile on his face, and Kurogane, whose eyes were closed in bliss and was arching his back into the touch. The language teacher's face turned scarlet.

"I-I'm sorry!" he stammered. "I didn't know you were…I mean, I knew that you were…but I didn't know that you were…"

"We're NOT!" Kurogane insisted, pushing Fai away, his face also quite red.

"S-sorry!" he repeated. With that, he quickly backed out of the room, his eyes averted.

"Oh, dear," Fai sighed, shaking his head. "He caught us at it again, hmm?"

"What the hell do you mean 'he caught us at it again'?!" Kurogane snarled. "We weren't 'at' anything!"

Fai's smile became mischievous. "Well, it was only a matter of time, Kuropu."

"YOU BASTARD!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!" the ninja roared, shoving Fai away more forcefully, his cheeks burning crimson.

Fai giggled as he returned to his lunch. Kurogane also tried to focus on his food, though his mind was on the upcoming presentation.

"Hey, Magician…" the swordsman muttered, carefully avoiding his eyes.

Fai sensed what was coming and beamed, focusing all of his attention on Kurogane. "Yes, Kuropii? Is there something you wanted to ask me?"

"You…you wanna…" Kurogane swallowed hard. The rest of his sentence tumbled from his lips in an indistinguishable mess.

"Hmm? What was that, Kurorun? I didn't catch that," Fai grinned, leaning his ear a little closer to the warrior.

"Y-you wanna…do the presentation thing together?" If Kurogane's face turned any redder, it could probably have illuminated the whole room.

"Ooh! You want to teach sex ed with me?" Fai gushed, clapping his hands. "Why, I'm _flattered_, Kuromuu!"

Kurogane's head nearly ignited. This was almost more than the poor ninja could take.

"But why are you asking me, Kurochan?" Fai asked, just barely concealing a malicious smile. "Usually, you don't want anything to do with me. Why did you suddenly decide that you want to teach with me?"

"I…I don't…!" Kurogane sputtered. _Quick, think of something, stupid! Preferably not something too hideously embarrassing._ "I don't know anything about this kind of…"

_Oh, fuck. Nice going, dumb ass._

"Aah, I see," Fai said, nodding understandingly. "Kurowanwan still has his flower! How cute! Well, don't worry, Kurokuro; I'll help you out."

Kurogane was so busy being horrified by what Fai had just said that he almost missed the last bit. "I'll help you out… if you get down on all fours and beg like a little doggy!"

"WHAT THE HELL?! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KINKY-ASS BASTARD?!"

"Those are my terms, Kuromin," Fai said stubbornly, folding his arms. "Take it or leave it."

A drop of sweat slid down the side of Kurogane's face as he weighed his options again. Either way, he was going to be humiliated. All he could do now was try to choose the lesser of two evils. With a reluctant sigh, his face still blazing, Kurogane slid down out of his chair and onto the floor on his hands and knees…

* * *

Since this journey had begun, Kurogane quickly became accustomed to humiliation. It was just some of the baggage that came along with spending so much time with Fai and although it had been a long time since they began the trip, the ninja was still struggling to accept it. But having to get down on his hands and knees and beg Fai, doggy-style, to team up with him for a sex ed presentation was a level of humiliation that was, so far, unprecedented. It was so derogatory that Kurogane hardly felt human anymore. Such was his dejection that he couldn't even muster the desire to drive his last two classes of gym students into the ground, which was saying something as Kurogane normally would have taken great pleasure in doing this.

When the time came for him to start heading down to Fai's room, it took every ounce of willpower he had to start walking. It took more than every ounce of will power he had to keep walking once he had started. If anyone had been paying attention, they might have noticed that Kurogane was a veritable black hole of willpower, leeching it out of the air and students around him. Several kids collapsed from apathy as all their desire to keep moving was sucked out of them by the passing gym teacher. By the time he reached Fai's classroom, he had drained so much willpower from his surroundings that even the walls were beginning to sag, having lost the motivation to remain standing.

"Oh, there you are, Kurotan," Fai said happily, bounding up to him. "I was starting to wonder if perhaps you'd abandoned me."

Then the blond looped his arms around Kurogane's broad shoulders and snuggled his cheek against his chest. "But then I remembered that Kuropon is a gentleman and would _never_ abandon his true love."

Kurogane snorted and tried to shove Fai away. "Why the hell would you think that makes _you_ safe, then?"

Fai held on determinedly and looked up at the ninja's face to see that he was blushing. He giggled, hugging him even tighter. "Aww, Kurosama is shy! How sweet!"

Kurogane ground his teeth angrily. This was going to be one hell of a long class period.

The level of discomfort in that classroom was immeasurable. All the students kept shifting restlessly in their seats and everyone but Fai was carefully avoiding eye contact with each other. Kurogane's embarrassment easily surpassed that of all the children. Despite his efforts to control the color in his face, he was painfully aware that his cheeks were glowing brightly and so he was forced to cover them with his hand. Fai, for his part, seemed right at home.

"So!" he chirped, clapping his hands. "Who can tell me where babies come from?"

The heat of the room increased several degrees as everybody's blush intensified (Kurogane's included). No one dared to say a word. No one even dared to breathe too loudly for fear that this would somehow single them out to answer the wizard's question.

"Oh, come on now," Fai said coaxingly. "You must have some idea."

Still, there was complete silence. "How about you, Kurochin sensei? Do _you_ know?"

"Leave me out of this," Kurogane mumbled.

"I won't leave you out of this," Fai replied stubbornly. "We're a _team_, Kuromyuu. That means you have to help."

"I'll help slaughter you if you don't leave me the hell alone," the warrior snapped.

"Oh right, I forgot that Kuropin still has his flower and is all embarrassed by talking about this kind of thing," Fai said, clapping the gym teacher's shoulder.

"SHUT UP!!" Kurogane roared.

"Ok, I'll explain it, then." The mage cleared his throat before beginning. "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they go into a tight hug…"

Kurogane felt like being violently ill.

Fai tapped him on the shoulder. "Help me demonstrate, Kurobun sensei."

"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICK BASTARD!!" Kurogane warned, jumping backward, snatching a sharpened pencil off the counter to hold between himself and the blond as a weapon.

Fai laughed. "I was only joking, Kurowanta! You didn't really think I would suggest doing such a thing in front of the children, did you?"

"Yes," Kurogane said bluntly, his face still blazing as he continued to back away, just in case Fai was trying to lure him into a false sense of security before launching his real attack.

"Shame on you, Kuropan sensei," Fai scolded lightly. "You ought to know me better than that. Besides…" to Kurogane's horror, the magician began to draw closer, amusement dancing in his heavily-hooded eyes, "that wouldn't be very romantic for our first time."

The students tried desperately to melt into their seats as their chemistry teacher gave Kurogane's cheek an affectionate pinch, then twirled away, giggling. Even after Fai moved away, Kurogane remained there, his back pressed against the wall, too mortified to move. If the room hadn't been full of students, the gym teacher would have crouched down in the far corner of the room to spontaneously combust, then come back as a spirit to see that his ashes were put in a metal chest and tossed into the sea. Mere death was not sufficient after having suffered such profound degradation.

Fai bounded over to the box of supplies that Yuuko had left him to use in his presentation and pulled out several smaller boxes with foreign writing on them. Kurogane revived himself from his horrific fantasizing just long enough to identify the objects and then sink right back into it again, even deeper than before. Oh god, the dreaded non-medical birth control methods. Kurogane had had no idea what they were when he found them in his own box that morning as his country didn't have those sorts of things. The only way he'd managed to discern their use was by looking at the pictures on the directions inside their packages. Damn pictures; they'd nearly scorched his eyes out.

"This," Fai said unabashedly, holding up a small, round, rubbery device, "is called a condom. Who can tell me what this is for?"

The room remained perfectly silent, to nobody's surprise. Kurogane, unable to bear this torment any longer, decided to use one of the most basic ninja mind tricks that every fighter was taught early on to help them endure psychological torture: withdrawal. In this trick, the user conjured up an especially pleasing or exciting memory and relived it in their mind in as much detail as possible so that they could completely distract themselves from whatever mentally abusing thing that was being done to them.

To Kurogane's dismay, he was only able to make partially effective use of it. On the bright side, he did successfully pull himself away from the horror that was unfolding before his eyes. Unfortunately, the thing he managed to conjure up in his mind was not a memory; it was a fantasy. One that involved him and Fai engaged in a very tight hug…

* * *

The level of relief that Kurogane experienced when it came time for all the teachers to lead their classes to the auditorium for "the movie" was unrivaled by any that he could remember having experienced recently. With the movie going on, it wouldn't be left up to Fai to feed the volatile information into the fragile young minds. This way, it would be in the hands of a professional, or at least someone who was sane/ didn't know and therefore couldn't embarrass Kurogane (on a personal level, at least). He could hardly imagine the level of relief he would feel once the whole stupid thing was over.

All the students filed into the auditorium, every one of them red-faced and silent, not even able to look each other in the eye. Kurogane almost felt sorry for the kids; he'd never had to put up with this sort of harassment when he'd been in school. Then he remembered what sneaky, twisted little bastards they all were and his almost-pity ceased immediately. If he hadn't been so humiliated himself, he might have even sniggered at their misfortunes.

The teachers' seating area was somewhat separate from the students' (i.e. in a special section of chairs a little off to the side). Kurogane tried to distance himself from Fai in the crowd of teachers but to his disgust Fai stuck to his side like a magnet. With a reluctant sigh, the ninja plopped down into his plush chair, sinking down in it as far as he could while the lights dimmed and the projector was switched on. Kurogane ground his teeth, determinedly looking anywhere but at the movie screen. His eyes settled on the blond chemistry teacher seated beside him.

If Kurogane's face wasn't already sporting the deepest possible blush, he would have gone red when he saw that Fai was already looking at him. The swordsman didn't like the expression he was wearing either; it was distinctly lustful. Fai giggled quietly at his companion's discomfort and continued to watch him even though Kurogane had quickly averted his gaze. The magician waited until the video started to explain the process of baby-making in greater detail before coyly taking Kurogane's hand. For some stupid reason, the warrior couldn't jerk his hand away, though he convinced himself that this was because of the excessive mental stress he had already been put through that day rather than the fact that he liked having Fai's hand in his.

When the video began discussing the specific changes that both sexes underwent as they reach maturity, Fai placed his other hand on Kurogane's knee. Again, Kurogane couldn't seem to make himself shake him off. Damned excessive mental stress. In spite of that excessive mental stress however, Kurogane had no trouble noticing Fai's hand moving very slowly up his leg. Oh boy. And as it drew ever closer to his nether regions, Kurogane also became acutely aware of the fact that said area was tingling with something very much like anticipation. Seriously, what the hell? It's not like he…so why was he…What the freaking hell?

Fai's hand was mere centimeters away from it now, lingering there, his fingers drumming the ninja's leg teasingly. Kurogane caught himself just before he let a little moan of desire escape his lips. Again, wtf? No, really. Some deity must be laughing its Divine ass off as it controlled the ninja's body like a puppet. That was the only explanation that managed permeate Kurogane's numb brain as what could only have been some outside force made him sink down in his chair just the tiniest bit more so that Fai's fingertips were forced to graze _that_ ever so slightly.

To his utter mortification, Kurogane couldn't bite back the moan this time though to his relief, it came out sounding more like an angry growl. Which was what it was, of course. That blond bastard was groping him in the darkness of a public school auditorium, after all. Of course the swordsman was outraged! Of course… Fai was shaking with barely suppressed laughter. A vein throbbed angrily on Kurogane's forehead. When they got back to their apartments, he was going to grab that damn mage and slice off all his clothes with his katana and proceed to savagely, brutally scre… gut him, damn it! He was going to gut him! Obviously! Come on, now! Come on! Jeez!

It wasn't until the chattering began that Kurogane snapped out of his daze. Fai was still touching him, but the lights had turned on and the movie was no longer playing. It was over. Teachers were lined up, waiting for him and the wizard to move so that they could get out. The teacher at the front of the line was watching the display before him with wide-eyed terror while the ones behind him stood on their tiptoes, craning their necks as they tried to figure out what the hold up was.

Kurogane just about died; the teacher who was seeing everything was none other than that unfortunate language teacher who always seemed to walk in on him and Fai at the worst moments during the lunch hour. Oh fudge. Kurogane hurriedly pushed Fai's hand away and got to his feet, stumbling in his hurry to get away from his colleagues. Man, talk about awkward. Kurogane decided firmly at that moment that he was never talking to Fai at school again.


	4. The Dance of the Phoenix

**A/N: **Finally done with this: the FINAL CHAPTER!! Now that I look back over it, I realize that I was rather cruel to Kurowan in this one, even more so than in the last one, I think. It turned out way longer than I had anticipated… I hope it doesn't make your brain rot out of your head.

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Dance of the Phoenix**

True to his earlier decision, Kurogane was doing everything in his power to ignore/avoid Fai while they were at school. He was careful not to hang around the gym for even one second longer than necessary, chose a new place to eat his lunch every day and completely avoided the hallway that contained the chemistry teacher's classroom. It actually worked fairly well and Kurogane noticed, with no small amount of satisfaction, that it was bothering Fai quite profoundly. The magician pouted cutely the whole time throughout the train rides to and from school in response to Kurogane's avoidance and doubled his flirtatious efforts during the time that they were together.

To tell the truth (which he had absolutely no intention of doing), Kurogane found himself rather enjoying this setup. Not only didn't he have to worry about being embarrassed by Fai's antics at school but the mage seemed determined to make every moment they did have together count. He became even more like an incessantly chattering shadow than usual when he joined up with Kurogane outside the school so that they could go home together.

As much as he loved the new arrangement, however, it definitely had its setbacks. For one thing, he was running out of places to spend his free moments between classes and during lunch breaks since he had to find a new one every time. When he first started to run low, he had assumed it would be no real problem and that he could just rotate between the ones he had already used. Boy was he ever wrong about that.

It had been a very close shave during one lunch hour when Kurogane plowed his way through the crowded halls (those damn students had given him so much crap that he wasn't even careful not to squash them anymore) toward one of his previously-used hiding places and found the blond already there waiting, looking around hopefully. With cold fingers of terror clutching at his pounding heart, Kurogane hightailed out of there as fast as he could before Fai noticed him, mowing down students in his haste to escape.

Thinking that perhaps it had just been a fluke, Kurogane headed for one of his other old hiding spots. He just about pissed himself when, to his bewilderment, he poked his head cautiously into the room to make sure it was empty of blond chemistry teachers and again found Fai there waiting for him. Nearly having his second heart attack within a span of five minutes, Kurogane dashed out of there again and ended up taking refuge on the remote corner of the roof so far away from the gym that he had been late for his following class. It was almost as if Fai was able to lock onto his DNA signature once he had been somewhere and used it to track him. It was really kind of creepy.

In spite of all the precautions he took to display apathy toward Fai while they were at school, Kurogane still didn't manage to completely avoid making an ass of himself. One day, after school was out, Kurogane had accidentally reached the tree where he and Fai always met to go home first. Without thinking, he had just waited for Fai to get there. Again, big mistake. Fai had bounded out of the building like a child and ran toward the tree. When he saw the ninja already there waiting for him, his eyes had grown wide with surprise. That was when Kurogane realized his error. _Oh shit._ A huge smile spread across his face and Fai sprinted the rest of the way to the tree where he promptly tackled him, knocking them both over backwards into a snowdrift.

"Ow! What the hell was that for, you stupid bastard?!" Kurogane roared, trying to pry the magician off of him, though he was unsuccessful.

Fai lay on top of him, hugging him tightly, giggling joyfully. "Kuropun _waited_ for me! How sweet!"

Flinching as he felt snow slide down his collar, Kurogane propped himself up on his elbows and glared at his colleague. "Well, I wasn't going to leave without you."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized that he'd been stupid again and he closed his eyes in frustration. _Oh, double shit._ Fai's eyes sparkled happily as he clung to the ninja's coat, nuzzling his warm cheek against Kurogane's neck.

"Of course not," he whispered. "Kurochii would never do something like that to the one he loves."

Before Kurogane could bite his head off for saying such a disgusting thing, the front door of the school swung open and the unfortunate language teacher who always seemed to witness Fai's unabashed affection for the gym teacher at precisely the wrong time walked out. His eyes grew round with horror when he saw his two co-workers lying in the snow, one straddling the other's hips, and his mouth fell open. He hadn't even managed to choke out one word of a stunned apology before Kurogane cut him off.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" he shouted, pounding the snow angrily. "YOU ALWAYS SHOW UP AT THE WORST FRAKING TIME POSSIBLE!! WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING SO YOU'D BETTER JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND KEEP RIGHT ON WALKING!!"

The language teacher hurriedly lowered his eyes and shut his mouth, his face burning brightly as he scuttled away. Fai said nothing and just watched the whole show through his heavy-lidded, amused blue eyes, clinging onto Kurogane like a baby koala. The swordsman hissed in aggravation as he flopped back into the snow again, his cheeks also red. He had always assumed that having to deal with kids all day would be the worst part about teaching but it turned out that he had been wrong again; it was actually the other teachers you had to worry about.

* * *

Kurogane tilted his head, frowning as he listened to the odd noises that were coming from the apartment next door to his. Fai had been known to make strange sounds at times but this was weird even for him. First there had just been the sound of water running which had been normal enough but then there had been a sudden pop and a clang, followed by a startled sort of squeal, some scampering around, a series of crashes, a cry of panic, some more scampering around, all of this accompanied by a chorus of ominously rushing water. It took quite a lot of self-control but Kurogane refrained from getting up to investigate; somehow he got the distinct feeling that he didn't want anything to do with this.

The rushing water continued for several minutes, continuing to serenade other noises such as some indistinct though somewhat distressed chattering, some eventual footsteps and a knock next door as someone presumably arrived to provide Fai with some much needed backup. The water stopped soon after that, though it was followed by an ominous silence. Kurogane started when he heard a knock on his own door. Heaving a sigh, he reluctantly rolled off the couch where he had been reading one of his manga magazines and went to answer the door. Fai stood there, wearing a sheepish grin and a pair of blue pajamas and clutching a pillow in his arms. One side of his head was wet, the soaking hair clinging to his cheek making him look even more pathetic.

"What the hell was going on over there?" Kurogane growled suspiciously, looking down at the wizard with disdain. "Sounded like freaking world war three." (He knew there to have been two previous world wars, thanks to the short time he had spent as a history teacher. Apparently that job hadn't been completely useless; he had needed it so that he could learn about the two world wars and thus have something to compare the noises coming from Fai's apartment just now to. Thank you, God).

"Actually, I had a bit of a problem with my sink," Fai replied with a lopsided grin, blushing slightly. "One of the pipes burst so I had to call the landlord. Luckily, he said he'd be able to fix it but suggested that I find somewhere else to spend the night."

Kurogane groaned and banged his forehead against the door frame. He knew where this was headed.

"So…" his grin widened, "I thought maybe Kurowanta and I could have a sleepover party!"

"No," Kurogane said flatly. He now considered the topic closed and so began to close the door but Fai quickly stuck his arm in its path to prevent Kurogane from shutting him out and wormed his way in through the gap.

"Yaaay! Thank you, Kuromin!" he cheered. He stood on his tiptoes to give the ninja a kiss on the cheek and then dashed away before Kurogane could catch him and throw him out.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Kurogane roared. "I SAID NO, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!"

There was a brief creaking of springs from the other room as Fai blatantly ignored his protests and jumped into the swordsman's bed.

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HERE ANYWAY, AT LEAST SLEEP ON THE COUCH, DUMBASS!!"

"Good night, Kuropan!" Fai called.

* * *

After much deliberation, internal struggle and stomping around like a spoiled child, Kurogane decided to spend the night on the couch since Fai clearly was not going to be moved. Maybe he could wait until Fai was asleep and sneak into his room, scoop him up and move him to the couch and recapture the bed for himself. _Yeah_, he thought slowly, the scenario already beginning to unfold in his head. _Yeah, that'll work…_If Kurogane hadn't been so worried about redeeming his badly-bruised ego, he might have stopped to consider the amount of accomplishment he had had recently in predicting things, realized that he had an approximate success rate of negative nine and simply decided to remain on the couch just for that one night. But, blinded by his pride, Kurogane returned to his magazine, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

* * *

After much deliberation, internal struggle and little pirouettes around the room, Fai decided with mild disappointment that he might as well go to sleep since Kurogane was clearly not going to join him. _Although…_ Fai mused hopefully, _perhaps Kurowanko will wait until I'm asleep and then sneak in to cuddle up next to me. _The mage rocked back and forth, hugging his knees and giggling excitedly. _That sounds like something Kuronta might do. He's such a cutie, the way he's too shy to do sweet things outright and always tries to disguise them._ With one last giggle of anticipation, Fai crawled under the covers, wrapping the sheets tightly around his slim frame. Something about having them so close to him was soothing. It was their scent, he realized. He loved that scent, Kurogane's scent. He smiled serenely as he settled into the bed to wait.

* * *

The warrior stifled a yawn as he glanced up at the clock. It was midnight; surely that idiot was asleep by now. Kurogane rose from the couch and did a few stretches to wake himself up before commencing operation "Capture the Bed". A cold sweat broke out on his forehead as he crept towards the bedroom door. At least Fai had left it partially open, thereby saving him the tension of having to risk waking him when he eased it open.

Once he was inside, he paused nervously, tilting his head to one side as he listened carefully for any signs of life. He noticed with disbelief that his whole body was trembling and he would have laughed scornfully at himself if it weren't so imperative that he remained silent. Kurogane had never gotten this nervous when he was sneaking into a castle for an assassination attempt, yet here he was creeping into his bedroom to move a ditzy, skinny blond to the couch so that he could retake possession of his own bed and he was shaking like a leaf.

In his defense, the ditzy, skinny blond he was extracting from his bed was an insanely cute ditzy, skinny blond. Wait, what?! No!! Kurogane scolded himself furiously, resisting the extremely overpowering urge to smack his head against the wall with difficulty, his cheeks glowing almost brightly enough to illuminate the room. He had meant "insanely powerful"! Fai had shown frequent evidence of overwhelming magical prowess so it was only natural that Kurogane was a little… Oh, forget it. Just forget it.

The ninja focused his attention once more on the task at hand; there was no time for screwing around. This was serious business. Kurogane stopped, frowning questioningly through the darkness. Now that he was paying attention, he noticed that Fai was actually making quite a bit of noise and he reprimanded himself angrily for not noticing immediately. He approached curiously, cautiously. The blond was turned on his side, his back to the ninja, stirring restlessly under the sheets. Really, "stirring restlessly" doesn't quite do justice to what Fai was doing; if Kurogane had ever seen the movie _The Exorcist_, he wouldn't have been terribly out of line in comparing Fai's movement to the demon-possessed girl's, although that might have been a slight exaggeration.

But that wasn't important now. What was important was the fact that this behavior wasn't normal and that meant that Fai was either having some kind of seizure or one hell of a nightmare. Concern swelling uncontrollably in his chest, Kurogane rushed to Fai's bedside and grabbing the magician's shoulder, preparing to turn him over and see what was wrong with him. That was when he noticed the singing. At first he wasn't sure if that was what he was hearing but as it grew slightly louder his suspicions were confirmed. His mind was so blank with shock and confusion that he couldn't do anything but sit and try to make out the words.

"Waiting for tonight, oh-oh, when you will be here in my arms! Waiting for tonight, oh-oooh, I've dreamed of this love for so long! Waiting for tonight!"

_What…the…fuck…?_ Fai rolled over to face Kurogane at last, a huge grin on his face and threw his arms around the gym teacher's shoulders. "Yaaaay! Kuromyuu is here! I was worried for a minute that you might not come!"

Kurogane's mouth opened and closed several times like a fish out of water while Fai cuddled him in a manner that could almost be considered aggressive.

"What…What the hell were you _doing_ just now?" he managed finally.

"Hmm? Oh, well, Kurorin was taking a long time to come snuggle with me and I had to entertain myself while I waited so I decided to sing a song," he chirped joyfully.

Again, _what the fuck_? Even though Fai had answered his question, the explanation made absolutely no sense to Kurogane's numb brain.

"…Then…what the hell were you squirming around like a moron for?"

"Hee hee! That was my air guitar!"

Kurogane was frozen for several more seconds in disbelief and repulsion before he silently scooped Fai into his arms and straightened up.

"Where are we going, Kurochuu?" Fai asked excitedly. "Is it a fieldtrip?!"

The ninja said nothing as he hauled the chemistry teacher into the front room. When they stopped moving, Fai tilted his head curiously.

"Hmm? What are you doing, Kuropu?"

He left Fai in suspense for another twenty seconds before literally throwing him down on the couch and making a mad dash for his bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. Fai let out an indignant noise of disbelief, tearing after him and tossing himself against the closed door.

"Kurowanwan! You big meanie!" he pouted. "I've been waiting for you all this time so that we could snuggle and this is how you treat me?!"

A loud, hard bang like a shoe being thrown at the door startled the wizard badly, causing him to scramble away from the door.

"YOU'RE GETTING NO SYMPATHY FROM ME, YOU SCRAWNY BASTARD!!" Kurogane snapped. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SCREWING WITH ME SO JUST GO BACK TO THE COUCH WHERE YOU BELONG AND SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

"Pooooo…" Fai whined, dragging himself back to the couch and dropping onto it.

Although he was certainly disappointed that things hadn't gone as he had hoped, he couldn't help giggling to himself. _Kurorun is so cute when he's angry! And at least I got him to hold me!_ With these two things to console him, Fai pulled the blankets up to his shoulders and went to sleep without any further complaint.

* * *

A recent addition to the rather lengthy "Things that Kurogane Hates with Every Particle of His Being" list was mailboxes. He had never had any experience with them prior to coming to this world but they had, as far as the ninja was concerned, completely shredded any chance of a friendly relationship with him by delivering him that cursed letter about him having to teach a certain class the previous week. It was a shame that he hadn't had a chance to experience a mailbox outside his current situation because sometimes they contain exciting things like candy or toys or even love notes. Since inanimate objects, unlike skinny blond wizards, are completely indifferent to a person's decision to bear a grudge against them, Kurogane chose to express his hatred of them by refusing to check his own ever.

So far this strategy was serving him just fine. Since he had stopped checking that damn mailbox, he hadn't gotten a single annoying or pointless letter from the principal. Kurogane considered the battle between himself and the mailbox over, and himself the champion. His victory over the dreaded mailbox was the only thing that sustained him in this world of constant screwings-over and people whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to humiliate him. A month ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of finding solace in something as miniscule as defeating a mailbox but now he realized that it was completely necessary if he hoped to retain even a scrap of his sanity in this hellhole.

When Kurogane let himself into his office that morning however, he found a hot pink half-sheet of paper sitting on his desk. Immediately he felt an overwhelming sense of dread grip his insides. He was already anticipating the nature of the sheet of paper. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. He snorted dubiously at that notion as it crossed his mind; if that were true, he would have tried it on Fai ages ago. Knowing that it was pointless to postpone the inevitable, Kurogane grudgingly stepped forward and picked up the half-sheet of paper.

The writing that scrawled across it might as well have been Arabic for all he comprehended of it. But he didn't need to be able to read Scribblic to understand that this message didn't contain anything he would be happy about. Perhaps it was that stupid love-struck little winking smiley face that Principal Yuuko had drawn at the end, just before her signature, that tipped him off. The gym teacher was extremely tempted to crumple the note up, throw it away and just pretend he'd never seen it. But he was more of a man than that so instead, he heaved a reluctant sigh and went to hunt down someone who could read it to him.

* * *

_Dear Kurogane sensei_, the ominous letter began innocently, _Our school's annual winter dance is quickly approaching and we are in need of chaperones _(already Kurogane could feel the bile rising in his throat. Oh god, why did he get suckered into these things? Why?). _I am aware that every member of the staff is busy with their classes but, as I am sure you understand, without chaperones the dance could not take place. Since there were no volunteers from any of the staff members to take this position I had no choice but to select a few teachers at random. It is my pleasure to inform you that your name has been chosen! The dance will take place next Friday at seven o'clock and will last until ten. It is a formal affair, so please dress accordingly. I knew that you probably wouldn't be too thrilled about this job so I took the liberty of choosing Fai sensei as a chaperone also so that you could have a bit of pleasant company. Even though the dance is intended mainly for students, teachers are encouraged to participate as well. The DJ always plays plenty of slow-dance songs! I wish you two luck! _(Stupid love-struck little winking smiley face) _Principal Yuuko._

As the office lady finished reading the cursed letter to him, Kurogane began to feel faint. He had always prided himself on being someone who faced his problems head on rather than running away like a sissy girl but for about the zillionth time since they arrived in this world, Kurogane sincerely wished that he could simply crawl into a hole and die. He had been the most feared assassin in all of Japan, dammit, and now he had been reduced to teaching sex ed classes and chaperoning elementary school dances. Kurogane had never put much stock into karma but he was starting to wonder if maybe the whole idea was for real after all. He didn't know what other explanation there could be for his recent extreme misfortunes but some unseen force was definitely chomping happily upon his ass and he really, really wished it would stop.

* * *

Fai stopped by his mailbox during the lunch hour to see if he had gotten anything interesting in there. At first he thought with a blow of disappointment that it might be empty but as he got a little closer, he noticed a half sheet of hot pink paper. It might have been the fact that hot pink tends to be a color that represents passion or perhaps Fai simply possessed a sixth sense but when he laid eyes on that paper, he just knew it was going to say something exciting. He snatched it out of his mailbox excitedly and stared at the jumble of Scribblic on it. Fai couldn't understand one word of it but there was a cute love-struck little winking smiley face at the bottom by Yuuko's signature and that, in his mind, confirmed all his suspicions. Excitement almost bubbling over, Fai ran off to find someone who could read the note to him.

* * *

It was bad enough that Kurogane had to show up at this stupid dance, stay the entire time, keeping an eye on a million little shits most of whom he'd never even met before but loathed deeply anyway, with Fai as his escort, but that stupid whore-bag of a principal had gone and declared it a formal affair. Kurogane was well enough accustomed to attending formal affairs since he had been a top member of the royal guard for the past how many years of his life; the fact that it was formal was not the part that bothered him. It was the fact that he currently owned a total of two sets of clothing, neither of which could ever be considered formal, which meant he would have to…go…shopping……

On the "Things that Kurogane Hates with Every Particle of His Being" list, shopping for anything that wasn't long, sharp and pointy and made for slaughtering things was definitely in the top ten range. It was so nasty and boring and time-consuming, not to mention expensive. It seemed to be one of his personal curses that no matter what world he went to, a large portion of the clothing was either too expensive, too sissy or didn't fit. The fact that Fai only shared one of these three problems (to give a hint, sissiness and fit weren't usually an issue) simply served to infuriate him more. Well, one thing was for sure: when he finally managed to scrape together enough willpower to force himself to go shopping, Fai would _not_ be coming along.

Figuring that it was probably best to just get the agonizing task over with, Kurogane forced himself to get on the train and head for the nearest department store rather than having to dread it all week. He managed to sneak away from Fai when the chemistry teacher went to his own apartment for a moment to fetch a pile of worksheets for grading. He did experience a pang of guilt about that but he hurriedly stamped it out, determined not to feel anything favorable toward Fai.

Kurogane stood outside the towering department store, frozen in its large and foreboding shadow. Most of the people going into it were women, something which made Kurogane feel even stupider than he already did by just being there. Well, he was only drawing out the misery by standing out here. Squaring up his shoulders, Kurogane clenched his teeth and marched bravely inside. To his utter relief, he had just happened to choose an entrance right next to the men's department. The store was so huge he had been worried that he might have to ask an employee where it was.

Emboldened by his minor victory, he made his way over to the formalwear section. He had just begun to peruse the racks of clothing when he noticed something that made him stop dead in his tracks. Mere yards away from him, positioned against the wall beside the dressing rooms was a counter with a register on it and standing at the register, smiling pleasantly at him, was Tomoyo hime. Kurogane blinked several times just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. No such luck; it was her alright. Or rather, this world's version of her, he corrected himself.

He barely managed to suppress a shiver as he remembered his Tomoyo hime's deep, insatiable passion for fashion, especially when she had some poor unfortunate soul in her evil clutches to try her designs on. The fact that this world's Tomoyo was also working happily in a department store suggested that this particular aspect had carried over to her as well. Well, maybe this was ok. As long as she stayed over there and he stayed over here, everything would be perfectly fine and dandy. _Just stay where you are, Tomoyo hime, and everything will be—ohfuckshe'scomingoverhereshitshitshit!!_

"Are you finding everything alright?" she asked sweetly. If Kurogane hadn't known her so well he might have even thought this a perfectly innocent question.

"Yeah, everything's fine," he said shortly, turning his back to her to signal that he didn't need her help. She walked around a rack of clothing to face him again, her smile as wide and cheerful as ever.

"Are you sure? You look a little bit lost."

"I AM NOT LOST!" he snapped.

She giggled, apparently unconvinced. "What's the occasion?"

"Look lady," Kurogane growled impatiently, "I don't need any help so just leave me alone."

"Well, alright then. But if you change your mind, I'll be right over there."

And then, to his amazement and delight, she turned and walked away. That was easier than expected. Feeling quite proud of himself, Kurogane went back to looking through the clothes. A few minutes later, he casually glanced in her direction, just to see what she was doing. He noticed with a start that she was still watching him closely, the same patient smile on her lips. Kurogane quickly looked away, his face reddening slightly. He was really starting to wish he weren't so tall; that way he could just sink down amongst the clothing racks and vanish from her line of sight. The ninja was so distracted by her watching him that he wasn't really even looking at the clothes, just piecing through them inattentively.

Five minutes later, Kurogane chanced another peek. He was dismayed to find that she was no longer there. Oh god, that meant she was loose somewhere. That was bad. Tomoyo was one person you had to be sure and keep an eye on at all times. A tiny bit of movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned. He just barely managed to bite back a yelp of surprise when he found her standing only a foot away.

"Come with me," she said with barely suppressed glee. "I have something that would be absolutely perfect for you." With that, she grabbed the protesting swordsman by the hand and led him away.

* * *

In retrospect, Kurogane decided that perhaps he shouldn't have been so surprised when Tomoyo dug a tiny remote control from the front pocket of her dress, pushed it's only button, causing a nearby wall to slide out of the way to reveal a dark entranceway and led him inside. He really shouldn't have been surprised when she clapped her hands and lights came on, illuminating a massive room filled will thousands upon thousands of pairs of outlandish clothing of varying levels of frilly- and pinkness. He should have had no reaction whatsoever when she called that she had snagged another victim and two other women appeared seemingly out of nowhere, squealing with delight. He should have actually anticipated that these other two women would be none other than Souma and the Amaterasu and that both of them would be just as enthusiastic about using him as a life-sized Ken doll as Tomoyo was. Unfortunately, all of these things came as a total shock to poor, unsuspecting Kurogane, who was now promising any existing deities that he would immediately shave his head and be a monk for the remainder of his life if they would simply deliver him from this horrendous evil. Apparently, however, any divine beings that happened to exist were plugging their ears and humming loudly in order to block out his desperate pleas.

"Ah, so you have to be a chaperone for a formal school dance? That's interesting; you don't strike me as the teacher type," Tomoyo commented.

"I'M NOT!!" he snarled. "I WAS FORCED INTO THAT STUPID JOB!!"

"But that sure was nice of the principal to invite Fai sensei for you. Ooh, do you know what color her dress is going to be?! Then we could get you something that matched! That would be so cute!" she gushed.

The ninja's eye twitched. He knew that he ought to be thankful that Tomoyo had assumed that Fai was a woman but a rather disturbing image of Fai in a big poofy prom dress flashed across his mind and disabled what little capacity for optimism that he possessed. Then something occurred to him.

"Wait a minute… how the hell do you know all that stuff?!"

Tomoyo beamed, holding up a crumpled piece of a certain hot pink piece of paper for him to see. "This was in your pocket."

If Kurogane had been familiar with the song "Barbie Girl", he would now be able to identify with the line "You can do my hair, undress me anywhere". In fact, if Kurogane hadn't been so mortified, he would have actually heard the song playing in the background of Tomoyo's hidden torture chamber. Sadly, Aqua's masterpiece was drowned out by the delighted giggling of the three women who currently had him firmly in their grasp.

* * *

When Kurogane stumbled onto the train three hours later, his nerves were frayed possibly beyond repair. He was actually fairly satisfied with the outfit he had ended up buying; at least it wasn't pink or frilly and hadn't cost a fortune. But while the monetary price had been reasonable, the mental toll that the process of choosing it took on him was outrageous. Being repeatedly stripped and redressed in outfits of varying ridiculousness by three highly amused young women was not as glorious as it was made out to be. Kurogane was completely exhausted and wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if that experience had taken ten years off of his lifespan.

It was almost ten thirty when the ninja arrived back at his apartment. Had he been more awake, he might have been slightly perturbed by the fact that his door wasn't locked when he got there but in his current state, he really didn't give a shit. He soon discovered that the unlocked door was courtesy of a rather distraught Fai who was already there on his couch waiting for him. The moment Kurogane had closed the door, Fai pounced on him, knocking them both over backwards, and immediately began whining.

"There you are, Kurowanwan, you bad puppy! I thought you'd been kidnapped or had gotten lost! I was just about to put up lost doggy signs!"

"Shut up and get off of me," the warrior said shortly, pushing Fai away and getting to his feet once more only to collapse onto the couch.

"Where were you?" Fai asked with a small frown as fit himself into the small amount of sitting space that was left, squirming until his companion relented and lifted his head to make more room, resting it again in the magician's lap.

"None of your damn business," Kurogane mumbled, closing his eyes. He wished Fai would just shut his mouth and let him sleep.

Fai saw the bag containing the swordsman's new outfit sitting by the door and made a mental note to look through its contents later but at the moment, he was in the perfect position and didn't want to spoil it. He smiled serenely at Kurogane who was trying (and failing) not to fall asleep in his lap. Without one more word, Fai switched off the lamp on the end table beside him, grabbed a blanket that had been hanging over the back of the couch and draped it over him. Kurogane willed himself to stand up, kick Fai out of his apartment and go to bed but he simply couldn't muster enough energy to even move a muscle.

Maybe he could tolerate this, though, just for one night. After all, Fai was pleasantly warm and the way his slender fingers played through his hair helped soothe some of the anger and frustration caused by his recent experience at the department store. Once Fai was sure that the ninja was really asleep, he bent forward and placed a good- night kiss on his forehead. He slipped his hand into Kurogane's, delighting in the way that they seemed to fit together just perfectly, and then finally went to sleep himself.

* * *

The ninja knew when he awoke the next morning to find Fai curled up on top of him in a very catlike manner (and was that _purring_ he heard coming from the magician?) that he should probably fly into a rage, grab him by his scruff and kick his scrawny ass out the door. He found, however, that he didn't particularly care. After all, what could either of them have done? Shift happened. But he was a little disturbed when he noticed the way one of his hands was resting comfortably on the small of Fai's back under the blanket they were sharing and the other had its fingers tangled in his silky blond hair.

Kurogane glanced over at the clock and groaned. Dammit, it was time to get up. And he wasn't going anywhere until he got this big kitty off of him. He brushed a lock of Fai's golden hair out of his face and instinctively began to tilt the mage's head back slightly, eyes focused on his beautiful lips. It wasn't until their mouths were just centimeters apart that he realized what he was doing and quickly recoiled, cheeks ablaze. What the hell? No, seriously; what the hell? What had he been thinking?! Oh god, that had been close. If Fai had awoken in time to witness that…

He looked at the clock again and growled slightly in frustration. They really had to get up now but he just couldn't bring himself to awaken Fai roughly when he was so peacefully snuggled against him. "Hey, wake up," he hissed, straightening up slightly. Fai frowned and moaned, clutching determinedly at the gym teacher's shirt. Kurogane sat up a little more and then tried again. "Wake up, I said!" he demanded, giving the blond's shoulder a little shake. Fai's sapphire eyes opened slowly and a smile began to spread across his face when he saw that the ninja was holding him.

"Mm, I could get used to waking up like this," he grinned, lifting a hand to stroke the swordsman's face.

"Get off," Kurogane muttered, pushing Fai off of him and onto the floor so that he could get up and take a shower before it was time to go. Fai wasn't bothered by this somewhat rough treatment; the fact that he had already felt Kurogane's hand on his back and seen the way he had been blushing as he left the wizard behind more than made up for it.

* * *

The gym teacher released his last class of the day impatiently and made for his office to pick up his coat and bag. He jumped when the bell rang and had to stare at the clock on his wall just to make sure it had really happened. It was three o'clock alright. Kurogane blinked several times, hardly daring to believe what this meant; he had actually made it through one whole school day without being absolutely humiliated or experiencing some amazing stroke of horrific luck. This was a monumental moment. He could practically see the dark storm clouds parting to allow a bright ray of sunshine to beam down on him, could practically hear the chorus of angels beginning their joyous song.

Kurogane was so distracted by the dramatic scene that was unfolding in his head that he didn't even notice someone approaching his office. Not until they tapped lightly on his door, anyway. He started and spun around, though the angels continued to sing. When he realized who had come to visit him, however, the angels promptly stopped singing, did a swift about-face and took a shit on him. There, in his doorway, was the devil herself: Yuuko. Apparently his repulsion had shown on his face because she got a sinister glint in her eye.

"What's that face for?" she asked dangerously.

Kurogane decided to ignore that question and ask one of his own. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Yuuko smirked. "My, my. Aren't we testy?" She held up two sheets of paper for him to see. "These are the details for tomorrow night's dance. I want you to have one and deliver the other one to Fai sensei."

Kurogane's eye twitched at this abrupt demand, remembering his decision to stay well away from Fai at school. "Hell no. Deliver it to that bastard yourself."

The sinister gleam returned. "You'll deliver it to him now or I'll put you on cleanup crew after the dance as well."

Kurogane gritted his teeth, snatched the letter away from her and stomped off to deliver it.

* * *

Fai had just said goodbye to all his students, collecting their assignments as they went out the door. He counted them after everyone had gone and noticed he was missing one. Who could it have been? Everyone who had left had handed him one. A nervous clearing of the throat beside him caused him to look up quickly. Ah, there was his missing paper; one of his students hadn't left yet. Fai searched his memory for the boy's name and eventually recalled it: Kobayashi Koutaro. Koutaro was standing there, clutching his paper, looking timidly up at him.

"Did you have a question, Kobayashi kun?" Fai asked pleasantly.

"Er…well…it's more of a request," Koutaro said, now refusing to meet his eyes. "I…I was wondering if you could give me some advice…"

Fai beamed. He loved playing the advice columnist. "I'll do what I can."

"Ah…y-you see…there's…there's this girl I…well, I guess I kinda like her… and I wanted to ask her to the…d-dance, only I don't really know how to, so…" Koutaro stammered nervously, his face crimson. Fai's smile widened. This boy reminded him so much of Syaoran sometimes; it was amusing.

"Mm, might you be referring to Suzuhara chan?" he asked knowingly, laughing when Koutaro's head snapped up to finally look at him, his eyes wide.

"H-h-how did you know?!"

"Just a guess," Fai said lightly. Really, it would be more amazing if he didn't know. Koutaro and Misaki were just like Syaoran and Sakura; even a blind, anemic Chihuahua could tell that they liked each other. "Well my suggestion would be—"

Fai was cut off by the sound of someone storming angrily up the hall. He squealed with delight. The wizard would recognize that stomping anywhere. And what convenient timing!

"Hold on just one moment, Kobayashi kun. I think the person who can help us is just now arriving." He stepped into the hallway just as Kurogane was reaching his room.

"Kuropun sensei!" Fai cheered, latching himself onto the ninja's chest and cuddling him affectionately. "I'm so glad you showed up! I was just hoping that you'd be able to help me out with a bit of role-playing!"

Kurogane narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Huh? Role-playing? What the hell is that?"

"You'll see, Daddy," the blond assured him as he led him into the classroom.

Koutaro seemed terrified to see Kurogane there. He had no idea how his gym teacher qualified as "the person who can help us" that Fai sensei had referred to. The guy really didn't look like he wanted to help anyone do anything except perhaps to die in a very sudden and violent manner. But Fai sensei had never steered him wrong before so Koutaro prayed that the blond knew what he was doing and quickly bowed to Kurogane.

Fai laughed when he saw Koutaro's fearful expression. "Don't worry, Kobayashi kun. Kurowanwan sensei may have a mean face but he's actually quite sweet underneath."

"WHO'S SWEET?!" Kurogane snapped, swinging his fist at the wizard's face. Privately, Koutaro agreed with Kurogane on that one; he looked to be about the farthest possible thing from "sweet".

"Kobayashi kun wants our advice on how to best ask Suzuhara chan to the dance," Fai explained cheerfully. Kurogane glanced skeptically over at Koutaro but the boy carefully avoided his eye. "I thought we could act the situation out so he gets a clear picture of what to do. So I'll be Suzuhara chan and you'll be Kobayashi kun, ok?"

"WHAT?! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO HELP WITH A STUPID THING LIKE THIS?!" the swordsman demanded angrily, his hands balling themselves into fists.

"Because it's a teacher's job to help their students out whenever they can, silly!" Fai chirped. "Ok, so you've got to show Kobayashi kun how to ask Suzuhara chan to the dance. Go ahead, Kuropin sensei!"

"How come I have to be the one to do all the work when you're the one who agreed to help?" Kurogane snarled.

Fai raised his eyebrows at the gym teacher. "Would you rather be Suzuhara chan?"

"NO WAY!!" he snapped.

"Alright then," Fai grinned. "Go ahead and ask me."

The chemistry teacher took a few steps back and then skipped over to Kurogane. "Good morning, Kobayashi kun! How are you doing?"

"This is stupid," Kurogane growled, trying not to blush.

"Good _morning_, Kobayashi kun! How are you _doing_?" Fai repeated a little louder.

Kurogane heaved a sigh, realizing that the only way he'd be getting out of this mess any time soon was if he just played along. "…'Mornin'," He mumbled, staring at his feet. In his head, the words "This is so freaking retarded" kept scrolling by.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Fai asked gleefully, leaning forward and putting a hand to his ear. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I SAID 'GOOD MORNING', YOU BASTARD!!" Kurogane roared. "AND QUIT PRETENDING YOU CAN'T HEAR ME!! I KNOW YOU CAN!!"

"Kyaaa, Kobayashi kun is a meanie!" Fai squealed, trying to look fearful but just looking highly amused instead. "I'm afraid! Boo hoo hoo!" He ran off, covering his eyes, continuing his fake crying. Then he dropped his act and resumed his normal personality.

"_That_, Kobayashi kun, is what you _shouldn't_ do," Fai said. "So remember not to loose your temper if she can't hear you."

The mage then turned his attention back to Kurogane. "Now what kind of example was that, Kurochii sensei?! You're supposed to show Kobayashi kun how to ask her to the dance, not scare her away and make her cry!" Fai scolded, though it sounded considerably less strict than it should have since he was having difficulty suppressing his laughter. "Let's try that again. And remember, Kuronta, we're going to keep on doing it until you get it right so do your best, ok?"

Koutaro simply watched the two adults in stunned silence, his eyes round and wide.

Fai came skipping up to Kurogane again and said, in his best imitation of a young girl's voice "Good morning, Kobayashi kun! How are you doing?"

"…G-great. How 'bout you?" Kurogane replied through clenched teeth, being careful to speak loud enough this time.

The magician beamed up at him. "I was doing good, but now that I'm talking to you I'm doing even better!"

Kurogane nodded but said nothing else, unsure what his next line should be. Fai twirled a strand of hair around his finger, his smile as bright as ever. Eventually, when he saw that Kurogane was stuck, he said "So, you going to the dance tonight, Kobayashi kun?"

"Yeah, um…about that…" _Don't blush, don't blush, don't blush,_ the warrior told himself sternly, though he could feel that his face was already blazing as though it was on fire. This was stupid. What was he getting all embarrassed for? It wasn't like he was actually asking Fai to the dance.

"Hmm? Did you have something to ask me about the dance, Kobayashi kun?"

"Would…would you wanna…g-go to that with me?"

Fai feigned surprise. "You're asking me, Kobayashi kun?"

"…Guess so."

"Oh, I'd love to! I'll see you tonight, then, ok? Good bye, Kobayashi kun!"

Fai became himself again, turning his smiling face back to the real Koutaro. "See? It wasn't that hard! Nice job, by the way, Kuropopo sensei! You played Kobayashi kun perfectly! I could practically feel your nervousness!"

"Hmph," Kurogane said sullenly, folding his arms. "Can we go now?"

"Hold on, Kuropiko sensei!" Fai cried. "We're not done yet!"

"WHAT?! WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"Asking a girl to the dance is only half the battle," the mage said matter-of-factly. "You have to know how to act when you're _at_ the dance, too. So why don't we give him some pointers on that as well?"

"YOU'RE JUST SCREWING WITH ME, AREN'T YOU, YOU BASTARD?!!"

Fai put a finger to Kurogane's lips to silence him. "Shhh, it's quiet time now, Kurokuro."

Kurogane growled and took a chomp at Fai's finger but the magician pulled it away too quickly. "Ok, so now we're at the dance. Kuromun sensei has to ask me to dance and make it successfully through at least one song. Ready, Kurobun?"

Fai switched on the small radio that was sitting on his front counter and then took his spot at the ninja's side.

"Ooh, I love this song!" Fai gushed in his girl voice. "It's one of my favorites."

"Hm," Kurogane said shortly, not looking at him. Nothing happened for a moment until Fai spoke again, hoping to prod his reluctant partner into action. "Every time I hear it, I can't help but _dance_ to it!"

"So….should we dance then?" Kurogane muttered.

Fai clasped his hands and looked up at him with large, starry eyes. "I'd love to!"

Koutaro seemed slightly bothered by what was unfolding before him but he was also entranced in spite of it. The whole time he watched these two in action, he wondered how in the world Fai sensei had managed to stay alive for any length of time when he kept on poking at such a vicious, snarling monster.

"Have you ever done a slow dance before, Kobayashi kun?" Fai asked.

Koutaro shook his head.

"Well, it's pretty easy. All you have to do is put your hands on her waist like this…"

Fai took Kurogane's hands and guided them onto his hips. "And she'll put her arms around your shoulders…" He demonstrated on the ninja. "Then you pretty much just sway side to side. You can move your feet too, if you want, but there's a risk of accidentally stepping on her toes if you do, so perhaps you should avoid it."

As soon as these last words had left his mouth, a gooey, bittersweet love song began on the radio. Even though Fai had just finished explaining the dancing process, Kurogane still wasn't really sure what to do so he just waited for the chemistry teacher to lead him. He gritted his teeth in frustration as he noticed that his hands had begun trembling slightly where they rested of Fai's hips and the blond laid his head against his chest. Fai also noticed Kurogane's nervousness and laughed.

"What the hell do you think you're laughing at, dumbass?" the warrior growled.

"You've never danced with anyone before, have you, Kurochan?" Fai asked in quiet amusement.

"Of course I have!" he snapped. "But not like this!"

"Oh really? Who have you danced with?"

"Well, Tomoyo hime hosted a lot of balls and since I'm her head bodyguard…"

"Tee hee! Kuronpyu and Tomoyo chan dancing? I wish I could have seen that."

"It was kind of weird though…" Kurogane muttered, "because she's a lot shorter than me."

"Hmm. Was there anyone else?"

"If another guy asked Tomoyo hime, then sometimes she'd make me dance with Souma…" A vein began throbbing on his forehead angrily as he remembered.

Fai giggled again. "Is this bringing back fond memories then, Kurotan?"

"Tch. No."

"If you're feeling brave, Kobayashi kun, you could even try to kiss her," Fai suggested brightly, turning Koutaro's face a brilliant shade of crimson at the thought. "It's not as hard as you think!" the magician assured him. "All you have to do is put your cheek against hers while you're dancing and every time you talk to her, let your lips brush against her cheek a little. If she's interested, she'll take the hint, if not, you can make it look like an accident. Here, I'll show you."

Fai couldn't quite reach the swordsman's cheek so he settled for his neck instead.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" Kurogane asked nervously.

"You sure are a good dancer, Kobayashi kun," the magician purred, his lips grazing Kurogane's neck ever so slightly. "I'm so glad…you asked me to dance with you…"

Kurogane cursed himself, feeling his face start to burn more brightly, but for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to push Fai away… If Koutaro's face had been red before, that was nothing to how it was now. He kept telling himself that the two teachers weren't going to kiss but with each passing second, he became less and less sure of that. Kurogane sensei's face was almost as red as his was and Fai sensei looked so happy in the gym teacher's arms. And then there was the fact that their lips were slowly drawing closer and closer together… Koutaro's brain nearly exploded. He shouldn't be watching this! They shouldn't be doing it and he _definitely_ shouldn't be watching!

"K-k-k-karate practice!" Koutaro stammered, hurriedly averting his eyes. "I-I'm gonna be late! S-s-sorry! Thank you for your help!"

The boy bowed quickly and departed at top speed.

"Good luck Kobayashi kun!" Fai called after him.

* * *

"Kurosama!" Fai called as he walked through Kurogane's apartment door the following night. "It's almost time for us to go! Are you ready?!"

Kurogane stepped out of his room, fastening his cufflinks as he went. He looked up sharply when he heard a gasp from Fai. The magician was staring with wide sparkling eyes, one hand covering his growing smile of delight. Kurogane looked down at himself nervously, wondering if he'd done something stupid like forgotten to put his pants on. Everything seemed to be in place; his black dress jacket with its high Mandarin-style collar and scarlet lining was perfectly straight, its four ornate golden clasps, much like the one on Fai's shirt from his homeworld only not nearly as long and more decorative, were all fastened, exposing just a little of his white dress shirt underneath, and his long black pants were indeed present and its fly was securely zipped. When he found nothing amiss he turned his suspicious gaze back to Fai.

"What?" he demanded.

"…Kurowanko is so handsome!" Fai squealed, sprinting across the room to give the ninja a hug. "Just like Tomoyo chan said!"

"Wait," Kurogane pried Fai off of him. "_What_?"

Fai grinned, holding up a large plastic shopping bag. It looked suspiciously like the one Kurogane had brought his outfit home in. "I looked at the bag from Kuromin's suit and went to the same store to see if I could find something that would look cute with it. When I got there, I saw Tomoyo chan working there and she took me into her secret room and helped me pick this out!"

Kurogane's heart sunk. He hadn't seen that many manly outfits back in Tomoyo's secret room… what if Fai had gotten something stupid and pink? Or worse, what if he'd brought home a dress? Kurogane made a grab for the bag but Fai jerked it away.

"Ah, ah, Kurokuro," he scolded lightly. "No peeking. I'll put it on and then you can see."

Kurogane sat down on the couch to wait, which he did nervously (_Please don't let it be a dress. Please, please…_). Fai emerged several moments later, wearing his new outfit along with a brilliant smile. His looked exactly like Kurogane's only it was all white. The blond did a little twirl to show off every side of the suit. As much as Kurogane hated to admit it, Fai actually looked pretty decent. When he saw Kurogane checking him out, Fai's smile became coy.

"What do you think, Kuromyuu?" he asked.

"….Hmph," Kurogane grunted noncommittally, turning away.

Fai giggled, clapping his hands. "Hyuu! Kuropin approves!"

"I never said that!" the swordsman growled. Fai wasn't bothered; he could see Kurogane's ears turning red even though his back was to him. "Let's go or we'll be late and the stupid principal bitch will yell at us."

* * *

When the two of them got to the school, there were already students lined up outside the doors, waiting to be allowed in. Kurogane and Fai went in through the teachers' entrance, totally skipping out on the long line. If Kurogane had been a less mature person, he would have stuck his tongue out at the stupid kids who were out there, waiting in the cold; he was sorely tempted but managed to restrain himself.

The setup crew was just finishing a few final touches; moving chairs over to the ticket table, giving the dance floor a final sweeping and lowering the lights. They could see the DJ preparing as well, adjusting the volume to an obscenely loud setting. Kurogane thought that was pretty tricky of him. If the volume was turned up loud enough, no one would be able to tell if the music was crappy or not. Once the setup crew was satisfied that everything was ready, two brave members stepped forward to open the doors to the swarms of impatient children…

* * *

It didn't take long for the commons, where the dance was being held, to get very hot and stuffy. So many hot-blooded young bodies packed in there at once made it nearly unbearable. But Kurogane and Fai, as chaperones, had no choice but to stick it out. Kurogane scanned the dance floor carelessly and glared when he saw the language teacher on the other side of the commons, standing next to the pretty, young math teacher. He was talking to her but he had apparently also noticed Kurogane and Fai as he was sending frequent, wary glances their way. When he noticed Kurogane glaring at him, he started and quickly devoted his whole attention to his companion.

Fai tapped him on the shoulder and wordlessly pointed to a spot a few yards away where Koutaro and Misaki were chatting nervously, apparently waiting for a slow song to be played. Kurogane snorted and rolled his eyes but Fai seemed amused, as usual. Wondering just how much longer of this hellish nightmare he had left to endure, the ninja foolishly glanced at the clock. He nearly threw a temper tantrum when he saw that there were still three and a half hours remaining.

Just as he was about to start inching his way closer to the door so that he could at least get a breath of fresh air, he heard a child's voice nearby just barely rising above the roar of the music and he looked toward its source. There were two little girls that Kurogane recognized from class talking to Fai. At one point, the speaker pointed at him and then at Fai and he narrowed his eyes menacingly and folded his arms. Fai nodded a few times, and then laughed before straightening up to relay the message to the ninja. Kurogane tilted his head towards Fai so that he could hear more clearly.

"It seems we have some admirers, Kuropin!" Fai shouted. "The DJ promised these two that he would play a slow song next and they have kindly requested a dance with us!"

"Huh?!" Kurogane said, surprised.

"It's true! Seto chan wants to dance with me and Kizaki chan wants to dance with you!"

Kurogane glared skeptically down at his prospective dance partner but she didn't seem the least bit intimidated and simply grinned and waved at him. Both of them were so small, he didn't know how in the world the mage expected this to work; there was no way that Tamayo Kizaki could ever hope to reach his shoulders unless he was to kneel.

"Say yes, Kuronta! You wouldn't want to break Kizaki chan's fragile heart would you?!" Fai urged teasingly.

Kurogane let out a reluctant sigh, earning himself a clap of approval on the shoulder from Fai. The chemistry teacher bent down once more to tell the girls that they would do it. As soon as they had this all decided, the next song came on and it was a slow song, as promised. Kurogane looked uncertainly over at Fai who had already sprung into action. As easily as if the girl only possessed the weight of a feather, Fai lifted his dance partner, Ringo Seto, off of her feet and balanced her on his arm while taking her hand in his free one. Ringo giggled as Fai twirled around with her, her long curly hair swishing out behind her.

Tamayo continued to grin up at him expectantly. Gritting his teeth, Kurogane mimicked Fai, wondering if it was really ok for them to do this. The two of them and their young dance partners actually gathered a small group of gawkers. Not wanting them to get any ideas, Kurogane turned on his meanest glare on them and they quickly vanished into the crowd. Fai moved closer to him, wearing the type of smile that that always accompanied his teasing comments.

"Kurosama does know how to handle the ladies after all, hmm?"

"OF COURSE I DO!! I TOLD YOU I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE, DUMBASS!!"

"That may be so, but… I didn't actually _believe_ you!"

Kurogane let out a sullen huff and turned his attention back to Tamayo, who seemed to be having quite a good time. He snorted; well, that made one of them, then.

* * *

Kurogane looked over at the clock for about the ten thousandth time that night, feeling he heart lift when he realized that there was only half an hour of torment to endure.

"Kurotan!" Fai shouted over the blaring music. "Let's go out to the courtyard ok?! It's too loud in here! My ears are starting to hurt!"

"What?!" Kurogane replied, also in a shout, which, like Fai's, hardly managed to rise about the throbbing speakers. "I can't hear you! It's too freaking loud in here!"

Fai laughed, taking the ninja's hand and led him out to the courtyard. There were a sprinkling of couples here and there, taking refuge from the painfully loud music and the intense heat of far too many people packed into one place but apart from that, the place was pretty much empty. As soon as he stepped outside, Kurogane felt for the first time in hours that he could finally breathe, though while he had been in the school he hadn't realized just how suffocating it was in there.

He followed the wizard away from the few young lovers whom they had joined outdoors to a slightly more secluded spot. Although they were now quite a distance away, the music coming from inside was so loud that they could still hear every word, though from where they were standing the volume was actually fairly pleasant. In Kurogane's opinion, this was the level it should be kept at inside as well. Growling, he put his hands over his ears.

"Argh, what a pain! Why did they have to have the damn music up so freaking loud?" he snarled irritably. "My ears will probably still be ringing a month from now!"

Fai laughed again, taking the ninja's arm. "Perhaps we should be thankful though, hmm? I mean, having the music up so loud also serves the purpose of lessening the atmosphere."

Kurogane looked at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"With all those young couples in there, in the dark, with romantic music playing… things might have been…taken to more extreme levels. Having the music up really loud like that kind of ruins the ambience. If it weren't for that, we'd probably have to be taking our chaperoning duties far more seriously!"

Kurogane snorted doubtfully, folding his arms. "Whatever."

Fai glanced up at the swordsman, studying his face in silence for a moment before replying. "Well, I know _I'm_ grateful, even if Kuropin isn't. If we had to actually do our jobs, we wouldn't be able to spend time like this together…alone."

Kurogane cleared his throat uncomfortably, tugging at his collar a little. Fai noticed happily that he didn't pull his arm out of the wizard's grasp and he gave it a small affectionate squeeze.

"Ah, look!" Fai said quietly, looking up at Kurogane once more with a small smile on his face. "It's snowing! Isn't it pretty?"

Kurogane made a non-committal sound but said nothing, refusing to meet the blond's eyes. Fai wasn't sure but he thought he might have seen him blushing, and that caused his heart to lift even more.

"Mm, and they're playing another slow-dance song!" he added with a grin. He released Kurogane's arm and moved to stand in front of him, offering his hand with wide smile. "May I have this dance, Kurosama?"

The warrior growled and rolled his eyes, still not looking at Fai and instead glancing around nervously. Determined, Fai moved into his line of vision once more and again offered his hand. "Pleeeeeeease, Daddy?"

Kurogane huffed and puffed reluctantly, his blush deepening as he carefully made sure that there was absolutely no one watching them. At last, he took the magician's hand uncertainly, his own hand trembling just a little. A wave of pure ecstasy crashed over Fai at the gym teacher's acceptance and he looped his free arm around the ninja's shoulders, pulling him as close as possible. He couldn't prevent himself from giving a soft purr of approval as he felt Kurogane's arm slowly moving to encircle his slender waist. The chemistry teacher grinned into his dance partner's shoulder as he noticed how tense and nervous he was. He didn't care what Kurogane said, he was pretty sure that this was his first real dance ever.

"Don't be so tense, Kurochan," he cooed, his lips teasingly grazing Kurogane's neck as he spoke. "There's nothing to be nervous about."

Kurogane gave a dubious snort but Fai had felt the ninja pull him just a little bit closer after that and his smile returned in full force.

"This really is perfect, isn't it?" the mage asked. "It would be too cold to stay out here very long normally but since Kurokuro is holding me nice and tight, it's just the right temperature."

As he said these words, he continued to allow his lips to brush lightly against Kurogane's neck, hoping that he would get the message. Kurogane, for his part, was so nervous that he hadn't really been able to notice what Fai was trying to do. It took several moments for him to realize what was going on and it made him jump when it finally hit him. Hesitantly, he pushed Fai away just a little so that he could access his soft, pale lips, very slowly drawing closer until their mouths were just barely brushing. Fai stood on his toes so that he could press his lips against Kurogane's a little more firmly. Kurogane could feel nothing now but the deep, passionate warmth of Fai's kiss. He wished that they could freeze this moment in time and hold onto it forever.

After what seemed like a long time, though not nearly long enough, Fai pulled away, laying his head against Kurogane's again. The ninja noticed that the magician was shaking slightly, sporadically, and tried to get a look at his face, but Fai simply clutched onto his jacket, refusing to let him. When he heard a tiny sniffle, his suspicions were confirmed.

"Hey, are…are you crying?" he asked incredulously. His heart raced nervously, wondering if he had somehow upset the wizard.

"…No," came Fai's muffled reply.

"Tch. You liar!" Kurogane growled. He lapsed into a brief silence and then asked "…Why?"

Fai sniffled slightly again and hurriedly wiped away his tears before smiling up at the swordsman once more. But to Kurogane's surprise, the smile wasn't a forced one; it was completely real, one of the few that Kurogane had ever seen from him. Just as the swordsman had always imagined, that smile was heartbreakingly beautiful.

"I'm sorry, Kurosama," he said quietly. "It's just… there's something I've been looking for… for such a long time and now that I know for sure that I've found it…it makes me so happy…"

Kurogane stared at him in bewilderment for a moment, then snorted in disbelief.

"You idiot," he breathed, engaging Fai's lips once more.

Their kiss was rudely interrupted by a strange choking sound. Kurogane whipped around to see who had dared disturb them. If it was that fucking language teacher again… Lo and behold, who should the ninja find standing there but his and Fai's favorite co-worker? He stood there, his eyes and mouth wide open in horror, pointing a shaking, accusatory finger at them, sputtering stupidly. A vein began throbbing angrily on Kurogane's forehead. Without one word, Kurogane took off his shoe and whipped it at the language teacher, nailing him right in the face with such force that he was knocked over backwards into the snow..

"JUST CAN IT, YOU STUPID BASTARD!! IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SEE IT THEN DON'T FREAKING FOLLOW US OUT HERE!!" the warrior shouted.

Letting an irritated hiss escape from between his teeth, Kurogane turned his attention back to Fai, wanting to continue where they had left off. Fai was looking just a little surprised, momentarily speechless, though Kurogane didn't know if this was because he hadn't expected to see the language teacher there or because of the severity of his attack. When he finally got back his ability to speak, he said "But Kuropiko….isn't your sock going to get all wet now?"

Kurogane smirked as he pulled Fai close again for another kiss. "Maybe," he admitted, "but it'll be for a good cause."

**THE END

* * *

**

**A/N: **So I was trying to figure out why I absolutely abhor my own writing style so much and I've managed to come to a few possible conclusions: 1) I make pointless stuff too long and drawn out and then skimp on the more important bits, 2) all of my fanfics seem to be almost exactly the same with a few minor changes, and 3) my wording is often needlessly complicated. So there are my theories… I'd like to hear everyone's feedback on this. Maybe then I can stop sucking.


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